Goodbye Decade 1.

Happy new year one and all.

Family

Today we had a visit from my Aunt and Uncle. They brought with them the grandkids, but not my cousin who for complex reasons is estranged from them.

Its nice to see them seeing as they only come up once a year and so, we got presents from them, Gillette stuff and HMV voucher.

My cousins kids are 13 and 11 respectfully they have an older brother who not only is mixed race but a certified dunce. His dad is a crim (currently at Her Majestys pleasure) and his mum is a fat slag (though she was definitely shaggable back in the day) he really doesn't stand a chance in life which is a shame.

The other two are pretty much normal, the middle child is gonna be real pretty when older and is like me a bookworm. The youngest is funny and really likes cats, ginger got lugged around a lot today and the others didn't get off lightly too. He did get his own back by climbing onto his back and sitting there (its gingers party piece).

Anyway we were sitting down to dinner when my aunt casually dropped this into the conversation, that the pickle fork we had was made by my Grandad from a Messerschmitt part. Warplane scrap reforged into cutlery, nothings going to top that, ever.

Merry Boxing Day

Happy holidays, seasoned greetings and all that jazz. Hope you had a grand holiday we got Mario & Luigi Bowsers Inside story and it is brilliant. Oh and a duvet cos its cold.


I've decided to show the world my secular nativity. When I became an Atheist, I really didn't want to give up those traditions that I loved. Presents, Xmas food, cash and decorations. As an offshoot of finding stuff from work, a nativity was made from toys found throughout the year and the result is this.

Mary= Lucy from Peanuts, from a School bus toy, from when I was little.
Joseph= Mario (Was Charlie Brown but he's gone awol), He's a Mc Donalds toy.
Jesus= Nobita from Doraemon, he's from a Spanish Kinder Egg.
High Druid= Kinder toy.
Dragon= Kinder toy.
Lobsters= Big and Small, Both are Magnets from Tenerife, one is wielding an axe.
The Three wise cats= China cats from when my neighbour moved out, they have no gifts and are watching over the great sacrifice of the lord.
Eiffel Tower in the sky= A gift from a pal, it takes the place of the star.
Rabbit and Tyrannosaurus Rex= Wrestling in the back, the Axe also belongs to the rabbit.
Dolphins and Cats= Make up the number.
The palm trees and that make up for the non traditional imagery on show.

Merry Xmas

Merry Christmas everybody, that is all.

Birds, total absence of the birds.

Congratulations if you know what Cassetteboy track that headings from. But from my last post, this has been whats been occupying some of my time here.

Feeding birds that are not limited to but include: Robin (not an American Robin thats a thrush), Blue Tit, Great Tit, Reed Bunting (my Aunt lives on the broads so we get them), Chaffinch both male and female, various starlings and maybe hedgesparrows too. Bigger birds have included Magpies, rooks and woodpigeons who always put me in mind of a little clerk in a grey suit, with Harry Hill shirt collars.

We were also visited by a rat, not any rat, a cheeky rat. He scuttles out from near the bathroom for a quick nibble at the birdseed before looking round and scuttling back to cover. More personable than vermin has any right to be.

We also saw a Herring Gull in Lowestoft which I nicknamed Bully Gull, a big imposing bastard of a bird, that shooed pigeons from its sight to grab leftover bread. We later saw it sitting on top of a shop with a cohort, laughing it up.

Oh as for the photo he reminded me of Ben Gunn from Cockleshell bay.

Tis the season to be freezin'

I'm visiting family so I've got a change of surroundings here. Most of the ground outside is covered with snow and indeed ice of varying thickness. So far its been quite thin on the coast and non existant in Lowestoft, right up to snow people in in Thursford, where ironically we were supposed to see an Xmas Show. Ironically we've yet to see a snowman but I guess its only a matter of time.

Does anyone really care about a white Christmas though. Its an obsession with the media classes but to me I could really care less. Now I think about it and caring less even more, none of the Christmasses I've known have been white. Some have had sunshine, most have been overcast and some have even rained, but none that I know have been white. Now that I couldn't care less it seems that this will be a bonus of climate change, fewer gritting jobs and salt bin top ups fewer Africans with cameras wanting photos in the snow, and certainly fewer songs about white Christmas, when its plain to see they're the last thing I've ever known.

Incidentally that African bit is not made up. Its a wonder to see a grown man act like a child seeing snow for the first time. Though kids tend not to have cameras to send the photos back home to Nigeria for boasting rights, This is snow, this is me in the snow, jealous. And yes its bloody surreal, especially when the guy asks for you to snap him standing under a tree holding some snow.

Laughing Cow Party Cubes and all that Jazz.

So it was our club's xmas party last night. For those wondering I'm a cactophile, that doesn't mean I'm a weirdo or anything but it does mean I grow Cacti and Succulents.

I blame my Grandad and my neighbour for giving me the Cactus bug when little. My grandad had quite a nice selection of Epiphyllums and Echinopsis esp eyriesii and multiplex (all under Echinopsis Oxygona now along with all of Lobivia and Trichocereus). My neighbour grew some of the smaller plants and a massive Silver Torch (Cleistocactus Straussii) which I now own. So me going to our club Party is not unprecedented.

Due to the make up of our club (largely veteran growers and enthusiastic pensioners often both) it means I'm the youngest by a long chalk. So I bring some Pringles in and theres quite a lot of stuff I've never seen before, let alone eaten. Thanks to some of our members having middle European connections, we have Stollen, and Lebkuchen and I think those pepper biscuits that are popular there too.

Stollen seems to be some sort of loaf cake with marzipan in the middle, I can't stand marzipan let alone in a cake so while nice I left most of the centre out of it.
Lebkuchen is niceish, you can get it in Lidls but its not like the proper hard gingerbread that you make men out of. Oh and the pepper biscuits have some sort of almond taste to them which are not that nice. Yeah I hate almonds too.

The other fare was pretty much standard Chrimbo goodies, mince pies, Sausage on sticks and crisps. Oh and Laughing Cow Party cubes. These come in a variety of flavours and are something I haven't seen around before. Laughing cow make some sort Dairylea inspired soft cheese which is nice but their logo always reminds me of Linda Evangelista. Hence the two images at the start of the post.

Watashi mo Konhorio!

Apologies for the bad Japanese intro. If you didn't get it, thats Cornholio's signature line given in this.
Beavis and Butthead Virtual Stupidity Or Beavis & Butthead Virtual Aho Shoukougun as it was known in Japan is probably the most baffling western release I've come across released in the land of the rising sun. Now I love Beavis and Butthead as much as the next guy, but man, is that an obscure license or what. Incredibly from the video above it seems to be fully dubbed in Japanese,
i'd have loved to have sat in on that Voice acting session, maybe it did well on PC for it to find an audience.

In fact its almost as baffling as say a review of Commodore's Amiga 1200 in Japan. Commodore probably fucked up their marketing there as well.

The third license I've also seen is, Peanuts, but everybody loves Charlie Brown and Snoopy so that doesn't count.

Why I love the Super Nes.

For some reason the SNES holds in my heart the epitome of 16bit gaming.
I never had a Megadrive so Nintendo is my most obvious love of the that era.

Being a Nintendo gamer and a European is kind of like living in Soviet Russia, a shortage of the games released with eyes looking westward and indeed toward Japan at prizes on offer fully denied. Though I can't program for toffee and my Japanese skills are weak I've always looked to what the Romhacking scene does with much awe. Watching folks crack the compression on a Snes game, find room for a new script that won't break the original programming. You got my respect dude.

So it comes as a great surprise to see this being touted over at byuu's gaff. For the uninitiated it (if ever made) will be a base unit that will act like the proposed/ prototype Snes CD add on. Adding wav. sound and admittedly grainy FMV support, and greatly extending data range through to 4GB. Whereas FMV clips and better music are nice to have, that data range is possibly much more interesting.

F'rinstance just imagine Secret Of Mana with the rumoured scenes reinstated, FF6 looking more like its PSone cousin complete with real voice in the opera scene. SF2 Alpha / Zero with full anime intro. Tales of Phantasia / Star Ocean actually being decent instead of average games with washed out looks. Best of all Seiken 3 fully voiced and Chrono trigger with the PSone Cutscenes in.

Romhacking wise, D4S / Ryusui's rework of Breath Of Fire would look pretty awesome (especially given the job Ryusui did with the script, v nice) with added graphics, though some would say it already is cool.

Romancing SaGa 3 with the professor singing, (and sorry guys, a good tweak to the script from a native English speaker). Tokimeki Memorial with room actually for its cribbed from PSX script, oh and some nice cut scenes too. Room for translated speech in Oshaberi Parodius (actually most Konami games are so I'm told hell to work with so extra room would be a bonus) I could go on.

Finally the idea of making new SNES games like Pier Solar for the Mega CD would be very tempting.

Sir Stanley Unwin Visital Micepasse

How could I have forgotten the genius of Sir Stanley Unwin. For those unfamiliar with his works here is a short Link. While I won't witter on about Unwinese, I do have a genuine beefy fryload.

Todays roasted cow is of course the social twonk net, Micepasse (myspace). I am for my sins, reluctantly part of this great social notwork, which for a loner such as myself provides the thrill of real friends but without having to go to all the effort of real life stuff.

We have managed to get one of my heroes to join me (the supremely talented Acid genius Andreas Gehm) and we're still waiting for Mr Biffo. The calibre of folks I get are self consciously wacky cunts, and Emo Rocker types. I get the odd gem like Animal suit, who is / are seems genuinely interesting and the odd woman (not odd women natch) to balance it out, but its still skewed heavily in favour of total knobends.

No, my main grief with them is this, try and put up a video edit you made out of NSPCC / Brasseye material and the cunts take it down for copyright violation (though not for sheer bad taste, natch). They then freeze uploading rights and send you to a mandatory copyright violation is bad mmkay pop up link for you to restore them. It really all smacks of diversity training, personally it makes me want to do it even more.

Even worse post a comment on anything and it gets lost in a fog of ASL type requests from people more sadder than myself. In multiple languages ladies and gentlemen, it gets no worse than this.

F You.

I really don't get You magazine. For the uninitiated / unaware its a Sunday supplement to the Mail on Sunday, Britain's premier middle England mouthpiece and general home of immigrant scare stories and Jonathan Ross lynching petitions.
Whereas Live, its male equivalent is all expensive consumer goods, TV listings with the occasional interesting story, You is something more sinister.

Its mainly articles about women with a few bits of fashion and cookery that have that old school women's mag feel, coupled with new school women's mags (mainly homeopathic / alternative medicine,) they used to integrated health at one time, with Dr Ali and wildly surreal pictures by Martin Haake.

The articles fit into two camps, Sloane type moves to the country and finds solace in arts and crafts, middle class worry Du jour, includes economic troubles modern etiquette and bukkake (OK not bukkake).

There's further arts and crafts stuff in the homebuyers bit and the only good bit (a crossword) before it all goes to hell. I really can't stand Liz Jones and both magazines end with total cunts (Live has Britain's got Talent judge Piers Morgan). It seems to end with her bemoaning her cheating ex and slowly going mad on Exmoor with her extended menagerie of creatures. Kind of like an Equine version of the Shining, but with less Jack Nicholson.

There's also a cartoon called Demented that seems to be the fevered ravings of Viz's Millie Tant. Its normally either politician hatred or banker hatred, with a few non male bashing strips added to it. We normally doctor them in pencil to make them more surreal or draw stuff on them. See above for a rework.

Improving Eastenders

Looking through Love Thy Neighbour on Wikipaedia and one thing struck me as odd, they should get Jack Smethurst in Eastenders, possibly as Patricks neighbour. Not only would it be both Eastenders and Love Thy Neighbour at the same time, but they would be neighbours in both shows. Nowadays he couldn't be a bigot, but it would be cool nonetheless and they had the Equalizer before he carked it.

More on Lingo and that.

As I said below we tend to use a lot of slang / either at work or at home. Also you'll be familiar with tibbets now.

I'll outline some more words I know now.

1. Weedle.

A weedle is named after a cat I had when I was very small, his name was Whisky and the Weedle name stuck as a kind of nickname. Specifically a Weedle is a black and white cat that is more white than black.
This photo is from Celia Hammond, in Lewisham perfectly describes what a weedle is.
There's not really much more to explain on this only that Susan Boyle's cat pebbles appears to be a weedle.

2. Meat Dog.

A meat dog is any of the Staffy / Pitbull type of dog, in fact any of the over muscled type of dog that is owned by chavs. They tend to be "good with children" but all the owner will talk about is the build and body of his dog, saying its powerful and give it a spiked collar and harness. Oh and give it a name like Tyson that is interchangable with their kids.
If you imagine a stereotypical non specific oriental, going on about his/ her sunday dinner of 'Mutt'on this is the kind of body fetishizing that the chav describes his dogs physique, Hence the name.

That covers animals we shall return later with other word stuff later.

Inaugural Postage

This is the first post of the Lobster Egg blog. You may know me as Monty Mole / Bear Or Bust on such forums as BX, WOS or RHDN. This is a link to my cakehole where I rant about film, games, music, Japanese stuff and television (specifically old English cablevision).

I'd like to explain a few things first.

1. A tibbet is kitchen table slang that I've used for ages. It means cat, we have no clue where it comes from. Due to work and that we tend to use a lot of made up words and catchphrases, though I'll save them for post two.

2. Box is self explanatory... Sort of. In the first instance it means
like a letterbox for posting blogs and other stuff. However as in old house the Box was a club. This could be worked, Jacked, or even bounced your body to. So I'll use that as our guide a letterbox to dance to.

3. There is no 3.