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Sunday, 28 December 2014


Like the title says this is the final review we'll do.  All the best bits forgotten from the previous two reviews and a round up of stories of the year.  But first the final crusty remnants.

Meghan Trainers.  All about that ass.

Or indeed bass, you all know what this is about and its a guilty pleasure, like a McDonalds or a crispy Kreme donut. The lyrics are the usual bollocks essentially and she's more homely than full on fat like most Muricans, but there's something about this that keeps me coming back.  Maybe its the audio equivalent of Chinese food.

The Taylors of Harrogate Coffee Ad.

Reading the comments its apparently a version of listen to the mockingbird and possibly scanned in from a crackly old 78, rather than a tape but this is one of the best things of the year.  Just a bit of psychedelia to sell you coffee rather than some old bullshit dreamed up by admen on coke.

A bit more on stems.

Forgot I took this screen grab until I was scrolling through the pictures on my HD. Highlighted is the only thing audible in the entire file.
This weighed in as a 52Meg download from Soundcloud.
You know what is even worse after erasing all deadspace from every file, and creating and saving a project file in Psycle, it still comes to only 46 MB.

                                        F E A T U R E   P R E S E N T A T I O N

Great stuff in YTP.

Well there is a few things that have kept me laughing this year.  First of all is a new Krobo Poop a part two of his Fesh Prince of Blair.  Its around 14 Minutes of fun but keeps you entertained.

Caillou celebrates Ebolaween. from CS188. Why not draw mummy's twins on the Joj lantern this Ebolaween, cos its a damn good return to form.

Noisepuppet stuff.  Possibly  the last one about cheese or the Harbee's training video poop which is very well done.  There are a lot of  Rosen poopers such as Mad Mothz or Root Negative 16 which are entirely worthy of your time, but (and this is a big butt) for me a great new find is the Septic Foundary guys, I'm a sucker for some good sentence mixing.

Yay stuff in general.

Sargon Of Akkad.
Don't normally get involved with feminism in general but, this is a good enough starting point now that the Internet Aristocrat channel is closed.  If you despise Tumblr feminists, mental illness fakers (look up headmates) and social marxists in general this is a good enough antidote to all that.


You should know by now that I love Dr. A's work, ever since I came across him on the now defunct World Of Stuart forum, but his stuff keeps getting better, either the ropey block tech advent calendar, chef Excellence who I'm sure is in the Just Eat ad, or the regular Poundland haul of cheapo toys. True there has been some that are hard to watch, anything involving massively out of date food, but the rest is pure gold.


Just for showing us what Cat Deeley's snatch looked like {NSFW}.  Oh and about a million other things thanks to lax password controls and an absolute faith in cloud security, to protect when the best security is keeping it secret and backed up offline.  I know I should be banging on how terrible this is but for a basement dweller who will never score, this is gold.  Also the best thing to come out of Downtown Abbey is surely Jessica Finlay nude right (along with the one time that the cat stole the chicken).

Nay stuff.

I know there is a lot of this to take in such as the not your shield hashtag for those non CSI Miami types, all you female gamers out there and all you gaymers who don't identify with the rad feminists who want gaming to end.  I just don't like all the death threats on twitter this generated, and I really abhor the way the anti side tried to say we are dead.  I've read a lot about this over the 6 months it came out and now I can say this please end.  It doesn't affect regular gamers who still have to put up with non i'll informed bullshit about violence, in fact there is a year old piece masquerading as news in the mail today about violence and misogyny in gaming which says how much the mainstream still hates us.

Its not about ethics in journalism either as the whiny anti gg side have latched onto as game journalism is, was and in the future will still be, shit. In fact to me the worst thing about this generation is the built in obsolescence of it all, that console games are now as badly bugged as PC games, and require patches to work, its paying for DLC that is already on disc, its the fact that when the servers are turned off or the Hard drives start to die, that this generation will leave nothing behind unless archived.  Its not some soppy bint with a degree in social studies saying that all games are sexist, though bollocks still isn't as bad as some of the shit pulled by the industry (Ubisoft and EA i'm looking at you).  The best thing about it all is saying full Mcintosh, which is a much nicer way of saying full retard especially if you work with spackers.

Friday, 26 December 2014

Acieed: Silver Boxing Day Review.

We did of course forget something from yesterdays round up review and that was Baggage Battles, which is sort of like a lost luggage based Storage Wars spin off / Rip off but with likeable people. I'll endeavour to do parts 3 and 4 tomorrow and Sunday, though it'll mostly be about video clips of the year and stuff forgotten from both previous posts, I know my limits.

Commercial Stuff of the year. Both Good and Bad.

Katy Perry and some cunt from Three Six Mafia, Dark Horse.

Do you wanna play with madness.
Do you know what you're fighting for.
Do you wanna dare to do this.
Cos I'm coming atcha like I'm HARDCORRRE.

Those of course aren't the words to the semi disappointing song from Katy Perry and Juicy J. Which in my ears at least should sound like the linked version i.e. coasting around 180 BPM.  What you have is something that is neither fish nor fowl and is of course ruined by Juicy J rapping like a twat. If you have to rap so bad on it you've lost

Jeremih and another sub par rapper. Don't Tell Em (Pike)

Rhythm is a dancer I need a companion.

Why are Snap and Corona such heroes to these new school yank EDM groups. Haven't they heard the majesty that is Rozalla or Technotronic.  The soaring peaks of musical perfection that are Los Del Rio and Whigfield.  I'll stop there before my pisstaking gland blows.  Its got a decent enough slow loop that is begging for a massive kick drum to be played behind this but instead gets the usual insipid R+B perc loop it got instead.

Anaconda Nicky Minaj.

Oh fuck no, this is a bad re edit of Sir Mix A Lot classic Baby Got Back.  Its adds asinine lyrics from Nicky and her usual annoying vocal tricks.  Fucking appaling need I say more.

Ten Walls. Walking With Elephants.

This wasn't so bad if it didn't rip off an existing Deep House track and I can't think who its by, now but literally all it adds is the ''brass'' bits, still its awesome as it was the best thing on Kiss by miles and as a consequence, never, ever played.  As a side note the brass bits in this are from a Yamaha DX7 preset, I know this due to messing around with the excellent VST emulation of it called Dexed.  Due to them having all original presets added in, its on the original under Brass.

Shake Me Off Taylor Swift.

Or rather Shake It Off Taylor Swift, she would never of course do that unless there was a song in it for her.
This is included here because well its just so generic, another lost love song, and that there is one line in it and it goes.

When you could be getting down to this,  you could be listening to this sick beat.  Or something. The beat in this is the most milquetoast, white bread, boring, made in five minutes FL Studio junk imaginable.  Its not sick, just eurrgh. You want sick beats listen to Bong Ra.  You want break up songs listen to Taylor Swift.
Incidentally I remember a piece where she was talking in the Metro about being inspired by the music of 1989 and saying how fresh it sounds.  I was foolishly expecting Andreas Gehm, or Steve Poindextder to be producing, for that authentic sound, but no this is who produced it.

Tiesto Wasted.

I liked it better when you're wasted.
I liked it better allllllllll of the time.
When you're passed out on the floor
I can treat you like a whore.
When your wasted.

You used to make excellent techno, see Bleckentrommel from 1997 why do you suck so much ass now.
Just another Avicii or David Guetta, making 3 minute dance that entertains no one.

Neon Jungle Can't Stop The Love.

This is terrible, just terrible, they had a competition on Kiss to remix this and put up 2.5GB  of various stems to load into the DAW of your choice.  I hate stems, would rather wav. samples so you can mix and arrange stuff differently. Even worse you have a 3.10 minute track, and they use a bit of a beat that is only used once so you have to download a 50 Meg file that could easily be just a few k as a sample.  The song is appalling we can all get along sub par nonsense and I remember them saying that they wanted it to go a bit ''Grimey".  Needless to say I have an unfinished gabber remix on my HD and I'm not going to win any competitions with that.

Aphex Twin Syro.

Sad to see such a come down for my favourite ever artist.  I have only listened to this once and the tracks are meandery, electro / freestylish grooves.  Only Aisatsana is the piano track, that could be a Drukqs off cut is any good and the bonus Japanese Issue track.  On the other hand RDJ seems to have come out of hibernation, and added two big interviews with Q magazine and the one I had up on Robots Nunca Visto (sadly pulled along with his soundcloud). Which was sad as it went into great depth.  He buried the remains of his dead DX7 in the back yard at Lanner, and sold presets as Sysex data from it in the back of Audio magazines, are the two bits I can find oh and if anyone has that stuff around and would like to make a patch of them that would be cool.

Non Commercial Stuff  Any My real picks of the Year.

Phonic Boy On Drugs. Part of the nixed AFX soundcloud.  It was some really old stuff on tape made with a Cheetah Drum Machine and stuff, proper mental electro cut from a time before Aphex, don't know if this is archived anywhere, if not I have a download of this ripped from soundcloud.  Oh and the old Caustic Window album mentioned in Trance Europe Express has been released thanks to the efforts of the WATTM crowd and a successful Kickstarter appeal, predictably its now up on youtube as a whole album, but Muttley, Cunt, and Flutey are my favourites from the whole lot.

John Heckle Cactus Jack.

Jaw Dropping acid techno jam, heard it yesterday on the increasingly Memphis Rap orientated Intergalactic FM. It wouldn't be a 303 post special without acid.

Lobster Theremin Label.

This is what I'm sure I heard last time I was at Phonica's uptown, but was too shy to ask what it was.  Monster old school house / acid groove tracks are the order of the day but if it isn't that, then what is the label that looks like an Egyptian god on a white label from a distance.  All of this is so cool so all you old schoolers be sure to snap this up.

Finally Perseus Traxx split.

This is a unlistened Christmas present, and I've literally listened to snips from Clone.NL but this is a evil 4 tracker on Contort Yourself.  Primitve acid tracks from Perseus Traxx, Pankow with a mix from Helena Hauff and a killer opening track from Parrish Smith.  Fiddling with the contents just now to confirm my faulty memory, I've pulled out some typewritten instructions that make no sense at all but seem closely relevant.

Edit listening to this now a few hours later and its the fucking bomb, dark slow mo acid from Parrish and Helena Hauff's remix is really good.  The other side can wait to tomorrow as there's two originals from Pankow.

Oh and to bring this to a halt IFM are counting down the top 100 tracks of the year as voted by IFM listeners. There's a lot of Italo Disco as well as a few surprises.

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Merry Christmas Everyone.

You know the drill by now, today we will do the TV and a few other bits and pieces including Youtube stuff and nonsense, and we will give you our ''coveted'' Miranda awards for Televisual Hell for 2014.

Incidentally acid fans tomorrows Boxing day broadcast will be our 303rd so expect some Silver box magic in our round of music, if I don't forget half of it.

OK Best things of the year TV wise is.

Chasing Shadows.

Reece Shearsmith (League of  Gentlemen) is an autistic detective bounced to the Missing Persons Bureau run by River Song from Dr Who (Alex Kingston). His boss is Useless Mickey also from Dr. Who (Noel Clarke, someone I've never actually liked in anything), it drags in places but for a local like me the sheer joy is the implausible nature of some of the places, which is getting a 53 bus to Thamesmead and Woolwich having an open air DLR station.

Remember Me.

Michael Palin is an old guy living alone, haunted by the fact that he is well haunted by his Indian nanny who died in a boat accident when he was young man.   Absolutely atmospheric with some dark touches, that remind me of Hideo Nakatas Dark Water, the rain and the Cowrie shells turning up en mass, an off season Whitby being as bleak as the English Seashore can be off season, and Scarborough Fair played out at odd times.

Channel 4 The Paedo next door.

Genuinely ground breaking work talking to an actual non offending paedo and offering treatment for his disease rather than the kneejerk reactions of hang 'em all (which don't work).  

Further honourable mentions go to, Gotham, Agents of  Shield and Dr Who for the sheer temerity to turn the moon into some sort of Cosmic Duck (wasn't of course), and Harry Hill reprising his TV Burp role in Professor Branestawm (if your remaking books from my childhood next BBC can we have Bangers and Mash they were ace).

Miranda Awards. Has got a rather documentary approach this year.

Barry'd Treasure.

Terrible pun aside this is what happens when you take the only interesting guy out of Storage Wars and give him a half baked show driving round with weirdo's.  It doesn't work, its boring and worse of all Barry Weiss is only cool when he's in Storage Wars, its not the worse thing I've seen this year, that would up next but its still not the best.

America Unearthed.

Had to type in about Vikings in Arizona, to remember the title of this, but fuck me, this is utter speculative garbage of the highest order.  Case in point, the viking episode that they had a rock full of runes up in a cave in the north of Arizona, problem is the rock is missing now and, he literally makes it up as he goes along, speculating like a bastard that the vikings could have been here but really weren't.


You liked Time Team right?.  Would you like it better if  it was presented by shouty hyperactive Americans running around shouting awesome on some no mark Civil War battlefield whilst looking for the relics of General Custard.  Then bingo here's your fucking show. Thirty minutes of  archaeological whooping and hollering, while your intelligence slowly slides into your shins.

Chanel 5. Advert.

That somebody thought that a slow version of You're The One That I Want needed to be made, and added to some hideous little twat with a paedo beard (I'm pretty sure its the cunt from the mentalist) poncing about with his white bread little life.  Successfully parodied with the Arthur Mullard version up on my channel its only marginally better, but still horrible.

Worthy mentions that will not be elaborated on.

Citizen Khan. It looks like someone really wanted to make a sitcom from 1992 but with none of the humour.
Sainsbury's Advert. Because War has never been so much fun.

Sunday, 21 December 2014


This is just an awful little post celebrating the fact we have reached the milestone of  300 posts, and telling you that our regular year end review is coming on Christmas day in the morning, and boxing day with the usual errors and omissions accepted due to my faulty memory.

That's all.

Saturday, 20 December 2014

Unnamed SaGa Game For Vita

Squenix have announced  a new SaGa game, possibly as part of Jump Festa, along with a load of FF15 news but as Final Fantasy is dead to me, I'm focusing on this instead.

So far there is fuck all on display and what they do show leaves a lot to be decided.  At the moment this sadly doesn't look likely to be localised.   Also Minstrel song and its non Pal localization is coming to PSN as well as part of a 25th anniversary edition. Oh and DDS translation are currently putting the finishing touches to the SNES original if you really can't bear the voices in the remake.

Edit, there is a PC offshoot called Imperial SaGa, which looks horribly like Freemium rubbish to my eyes, and I don't think this is going to be localized either.

Sunday, 14 December 2014

Playstation 20 Junk Tour.

This is going to be a disappointing junk tour, as like my previous non trip to a MSG event I never found the object of my travels.  This year is the 20th anniversary of the Playstation 1 or next year if you aren't Japanese.  Still have my one bought for £80 with 3 ace games Tekken 3, Resident Evil and Final Fantasy 7 though like all my consoles its not been booted up in ages.  I'm digressing yet again as Sony have set up a little pop up shop in Bethnal Green to celebrate the fact and sell off special edition PS4s for £20 (long, long sold out) along with other merchandise.

With that in mind we decided  to hell with Xmas shopping and lets see what all the fuss is about and if I fail to find it look around the Museum Of Childhood as a consolation.  Well guess what, I settled for the consolation prize.

Decided to look around the Museum first and nothing much has changed since I was last there, they have some hideous mutant, body horror tea party going on in the foyer.
Like old Polish cartoons
Words cannot really describe how rank these dolls were, and took a few shots of them for posterity.  Found  a few things this time that I missed out on last time.  Including their console rack, which consists of an original XBOX and an Amstrad CPC complete with tapes, its weird what they archived there, I could have given them my old C64 if they so cared.

Having had enough there, decided to poke around the town itself to see if I could find the pop up and see if its worth it for a junk tour.  The short answer is no, there is only one charity shop which was selling a strange mix of CDS (still have to check out who Popo Kibuto were, they seemed to be Japanese and Jazz) and strange Postcards (crab on wheels from the White Cliffs Experience in Dover).  Also their Cash Converters were selling Taiko No Tatsujin portable for PSP for a quid, but sadly the mouth breather behind the till couldn't actually find the UMD for this.  Looking around it seems Bethnal Green is an Immigrant town, judging by the amount of ethnic shops and that, one butcher was selling off Halal deer meat, because venison is such a staple of near east cuisine (subs pls check).

Went up town after that as I couldn't top that, and hit the motherlode of CDs in Oxfam off of Drury Lane.
Aphex Twin Come To Daddy Single in a proto Syro sleeve. The Gentle People and a whole lot more.  They had people handing out Mountain Dew which is what piss looks like when radioactive and I'm reliably told that it tastes the same only with miles more sugar.  Gonna get some me Doritos and start reviewing shit!

Found the old magazine shop again which was ace and they had old forum magazines from the 70's and decided to buy one.  It is super boring nothing like what it became, no sex confessions but a few strange articles such as abortion and no adverts whatsoever.  Also didn't realise that there is a manga shop opposite or near enough, its called Adanami Shobo and some of the prices for stuff are staggering, I noticed some stuff were going for £90 or so.  Will have to have a look in to see if they have any Class King Yamazaki Tankobon or Iron Wok Jan.  Apart from picking up some Perseus Traxx tracks from Phonica that was it. Decided to go home.

Sunday, 7 December 2014

Gateway 3DS

This is probably the bestest thing evar to hit the 3DS a flash card that if its correct will see off the hated region lock that Nintendo* have lumbered the 3DS with.  There is a big list of questions here as well as a massive thread over at GBAtemp forum.

People are speculating that this is the beginning of piracy on the 3DS and to be honest it will be something I would warrant as I really don't fancy downloading anything from Nintendo's overpriced online Eshop. Especially since certain stuff will never, ever be officially on cart in Europe, Shin Megami Tensei 4 and a few other things that are deemed not commercially viable here.  To be honest this is what I use my PSP for playing back ups of  UMDs and rarely Emulation.  Would be great to see this scene explode on the 3DS, along with the inevitable NES / Spectrum Emulators maybe even get some emulators working.

The DS generation gave us Colours art package, Moonshell, Nitrotracker and a homebrew version of Tetris 3 the grand battle before it was pulled and disappeared into internet oblivion.  The 3DS is much more powerful and would love to see what could be made in the right hands.

*Until Nintendo update firmware that kills it off of course.  >;*)