Wouldn't Even Explain you.

Forgive me for being late to this particular party. but here is my take on a few things basically Sargon related. In particular its the supposed joke / comeback to MP Jess Phillips that I need to address and matters arising from such.

Cards on the table first. I have been a subscriber to Sargon's Channel since gamergate, the popular uprising against corrupt game journalists, along with Thunderf00t and Mr Metokur/ Internet Aristocrat.  Possibly two of his biggest detractors.  My politics are centre right. Think the 2011 election in the UK lib dem power sharing but with acutal likeable people in charge, that's basically my politics, in a nutshell.

The joke?

I kinda like the actual joke, even if it's not funny in the first place.  The context is that Sargon hates Jess Phillips because of her laughing at Male Suicide numbers in a parliamentary debate. The wouldn't even rape you remark is part of a twitter spat between the two, which this culminated in him being kicked off Twitter for good (and previously banned for posting interracial gay pr0n on an exchange with the alt right.)

Its a pretty savage comeback and it ranks as one of the better insults I've heard, if not particularly funny.  My take on it, is this. I read this as an act beneath him to do. As a woman he wouldn't rape her because she wasn't worth it. She's so utterly below him as a person, that he wouldn't carry it out. And apparently I'm wrong. Sorta.

Its more like, I wouldn't rape you because its abhorrent, (and rape is, if you're wondering.) and that although if the opportunity arose, then he still wouldn't.  Maybe it's both, maybe it's neither I just wanted to do my take on this joke. 

Fallout.

Of course when the whole UKIP MEP candidacy arose, the press had a field day, dragging up these tweets and bringing it into the open and totally misrepresenting his word, by calling them rape threats. They're not, by the way. It's a statement of  disintent rather than intent. And proves my point that modern news publishing is a joke. And it went full circle with him adding that he would consider it, but there wasn't enough beer in world for him to contemplate it.

The final evolution of the whole thing is a spot on Have I Got News For you a previously funny show, that I gave up watching a few years back. With the never funny Jo Brand as guest host, and Jess Phillips as a contestant, calling him a neckbeard and laughing at him getting milkshaked by left wing incels at a  UJKIP rally. 

Summary

I still don't find it funny, most internet drama isn't, and while I rate it as a top drawer insult and comeback, it's not really humorous as such. Those describing it as a joke or as comedy then please don't, Sargon: A. isn't a comedian and B, its an insult, an aside, a come back and should be treated as such.

Then and now. Anatomy of a Clickbait article.

Been looking at clickbait on Metro again.  I'm supposed to be reading Gamecentral but at the end of the article there are always links off that say one of three things.

Gifs that are distracting as fuck, check.

30% of Britons do not know they have PPI (which I automatically read as please fuck off and die horribly)
His bollocks fell off in the street, what happened next will leave you speechless.
15 Life hacks that are so US specific you really wonder why they're included here.

There is a fourth type though that basically boils down to, star you used to like in a show from way back now looks different now (older and stranger normally or in child star cases, merely grown up).

I normally don't bother with those preferring my clickbait to be about Twitter hissy fits over trivial issues in Television from the professionally aggrieved, and Tumblr Whales.

Pro tip, in an article, if anyone calls black people POCs you know they don't have shit worth saying. There is a difference between being polite and not being racist and just being a PC asshole.

Anyway back to the clickbait.

I've decided to put together a sort of article based on trope number four, but with a NSFW twist.

I call it  These are the girls of Charmed and this is what their tits look like.  So if you want the bloke who went on to star in Nip/Tuck or Brian Krause in the buff ladies and gentlemen you'll have to search elsewhere for that.

First up you may remember Charmed as part of  Channel 5's early evening line up when it first started.  A show about 3 witches living in an old house with boyfriend troubles and a cat if I remember rightly.  Guys only really watched it because they were hot and women because of the drama.  It weren't bad but some episodes where akin to having you cock removed and being beaten to death by feminists with it, thanks to it being skewed toward women viewers.   Also bastard Morrisey on the theme tune heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Also another thing that bugged me was White Lighters Piper's holier than thou boyfriends job.  I guess they couldn't call him an angel because of Middle America. Anyway you came for tits and tits you shall have
NSFW FROM THIS POINT ON.

Shannen Doherty

Holly Marie Combs (My Favourite)

Alyssa Milano.

Rose McGowan

Sorry for turning this into the Daily Sport, normal service will be resumed next week.

Edit typos and Rose McGowan now shows up instead of links.

R.I.P. Ronnie Corbett

Really sad news, we lost Little Ron aka Ronnie Corbett during the week.  For those of you unaware of who he was, he was a giant of British comedy despite being only 5 foot nothing. Known for being part of the Two Ronnies comedy act, but he did other stuff such as the sitcom Sorry with its surprisingly nice theme tune and the fuck awful Ronnies Animal Crackers with its associated oddballs and that. 

I will not give the usual life eulogy but instead give you a virtual two Ronnies show as a tribute instead.

It's a masterpiece of a sketch show with Big Ronnie doing the puns and word play and Little Ron doing his famous in the chair Monologue which was boss. We don't get its like anymore as we have piss awful stuff such as Citizen Khan around now.

The running order
After the opening credits they would always open with some News Stories, and indeed finish with a few late items of news too.  A chance to get some good word play in

Then it would be a  pre recorded sketch with Big Ron pulling an absolute masterclass in puns and worldplay before it shifted on to something like the Swedish Pronunciation sketch or the Yokels which were always nice. Failing that it would either be a doctors office sketch or a bit in a Gentleman's club (think golf club for old bores and you'll be halfway there)

Some music is always nice and they would have a singer such as the Lovely Barbara Dickson or Inane Paige singing a song.  This was always an excuse to put the kettle on as it wasn't that great and would go on for a while.

Next would be the serial such a the Worm that Turned or The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town written by Spike Milligan. 

After that you would have another sketch of either a party or one set in a bar we give you the classic name droppers here which shows Little Ron at his best.  He always played these sorts of characters that seemed to wind up Ronnie Barker and its fun to see them play off against the other.

About this time we would have a monologue from Ronnie C.  These were his forte and were always worth a look if only for the amount self deprecatory humour here.

Finally there would be a big musical number.  Often they would be in drag for this and with little time to rehearse it always came off impeccably.  I'll give you the Plumstead Ladies choir as its one of the best, taking in some comic opera and light drama as well as more puns.  Before having time for a few late items of news.

Sort of like this.

We've just heard that Male Feminist Jonathan McIntosh has been arrested by Toronto Police after staging a nude protest in solidarity of women's rights. After a short chase  through the streets he crashed into a parking barrier where he checked his own privilege. (Sad to say I made that up)

I can remember a Viz take on the Two Ron's where they were reunited in Heaven, doing the infamous Fork Handles Four Candles sketch.  Big Ron was asking for "a low grade polish" but of cause meaning Halo Grade Polish, poignant and funny at the same time.

Its goodnight from him and its goodnight from me. Farewell Ronnie C.

Romford Junk Tour

This is an odd trip out for a number or reasons, firstly due to network (de)rail works, I couldn't go my normal route out on the District Line to Elm Park, but had to go via Canning Town and its a long old trip It was also the MCM Comic con at Excel centre so at least half of the train was already in cosplay mode and as I don't bring my phone with me out and about I'll have to describe what I saw with my own two eyes.

Highlights include:

Fat Batman. Not overweight or strange like something from say a Lousy Pandah cartoon but just tubby, he was with some tattooed anime ladies and as my love of anime died sometime mid 2003 I couldn't place them.

Joker in a wheelchair. Not the rather suave Jack Nicholson Joker, but the full on Mental Heath Ledger Version.  Basically its some special needs guy in whiteface and lipstick grin.  If you are going to be anyone and are disabled then Professor X surely.  Which leads us to.

X Men. Would you actually credit it I saw a disabled guy as  Charles Xavier along with a big guy as Beast, there was a Mystique with her too.  He looked completely cool as well.

Some Fat Ugly Cat Girls.  If you have ever seen modern Anime you will know this is a thing along with maids.  Now picture some Tumblr feminist types in full costumes with piercings and make up you'll see the revulsion creep in.

Old Mario and Luigi.  Basically some old guys dressed up as Mario and Luigi from the SMB games, kinda what they would look like now.

A few jailbait types in short skirts god knows how old and what character they came as and to be fair it didn't really matter.

Moving on the Age UK shop at Canning Town actually has a pretty good line up of  PS2 games for sale this for once does not include any Fifa games and I picked up Neo Geo Coliseum for £3 and passed on Okami and Crimson Sea 2 from Koei. I urge all East London Retro gamers to at least Check it out.

Romford was a bit of a disappointment, I did manage to pick up a book I've been wanting for ages but the centre was packed out with people queuing up to meet Joey Essex at a book signing (Yes he has a book out and you thought he couldn't write ;>) ).

Having a look at the phones in stock at Game and CEX I decided enough was enough and got the bus back to civilisation.

Terry Pratchett R.I.P

I know I haven't done one of these for a while and really should have put up a tribute to Leonard Nimoy (Star Trek's Dr Spock) as well if it wasn't for the inconvenient fact that I'm not much of a Star Trek fan.

However I am a fan of Discworld and Pratchett in general, so his death from Alzheimer's related complications was right out of the blue.  First picked up his work from the local library as a kid, not his mainline stuff but the Diggers trilogy and Only You Can Save Mankind (which I haven't read in ages something to do with video games).  They had a sci-fi and fantasy section round the back of the teen section so quickly found the Discworld series there, think it was the graphic novel version of The Colour Of Magic that they had as well which was cool.

A good inversion of the regular fantasy tropes and styles which is of course much needed, I still rate Guards Guards and Witches Abroad as the pinnacle of what he did and recently read And I Shall Wear Midnight, which for a kids book touches on a few themes of witch hunts and lynch mob mentality that you wouldn't expect in a book aimed for kids.

Though, there is so many good characters of his I could illustrate this with, I figured it would be best if I would leave you with this photo I found online, as he didn't care about the gods like me.

I Can't Sing stuff.

I don't normally go on about work very often. Largely its dull and boring and its the same thing day in and day out, but occasionally, just occasionally we get drama.

Clearing out a bin at work we found that one of my tenants had been a part of the recent(ly closed) musical I can't sing.  Its loosely based on the X Factor, but mainly comes across as an extended TV Burp sketch (its co written by Harry Hill) from bits that I've subsequently seen online. They are definitely funnier read out than sung that's for sure.

How do I know this, because I have a few ring binders with the sheet music and a script from the show, as well as a few other bits and bobs including an etched spanner with I can't sing on it.  Not sure if this is valuable or not or whether its worth the hassle scanning and putting up the sheet music, maybe in 40 years time.

X Files Season 10

Big fan of this back in the day and didn't realize that Chris Carter had authorised this comic as a continuation of the TV show.  This is something else I'm trying to get scanned in as I have most of the Titan comics lying around with a few graphic novel anthologies as well (that and Edge Magazine I definitely want some space back).

Finally we always have room for wildlife.

Saw two odd things today while out in the garden, the first was a newt not sure of the species though it could be a Common Newt.  Its hiding under some plants by some bricks and is very small.

About an Inch long fact fans.

I also saw a Rosemary Beetle which are new to the UK and are pests on Rosemary, Sage and Lavender.
Its rather nice and appears golden in the light, but if you catch it a certain way then it turns green with red stripes.

Not a great shot, but you can see the lines on its back just about.

Your less than Ideal Home

We decided to take ourselves up town, with the last of my leave and enjoy the Ideal home exhibition, a paeon  to all those things you see on the infomercials.  Last time I went I took a pretty ropey picture of Linda Barker well I've got a much worse celebrity snap for you now.  Taking advantage of a promo email to get in for £9, (thats a whole pound cheaper than concessions) I took my trusty camera and made my way down to Earls Court.

Celebrities, included buttery biscuit bass John Torode, Suzi Perry from Channel 5s Gadget Show, rusty metal fan and garden designer Dairmuid Gavin and interior design fop Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen. Guess who I saw.

Yep that dot is Lawrence.

To be honest I did see Lawrence much closer up but by that time I couldn't be bothered to take a better shot of him and it wasn't if his mug wasn't plastered everywhere which it was.

Anyway the ground floor is still dominated by gardening and electronics including white elephant stuff such as Solar Panelling and wooden lodges which nobody has room for.  The best thing was a show bathroom with an unbelievably creepy white tile / metal bath combo looking like something from a BDSM torture dungeon.

We had a coffee at massively inflated prices from a stall and a nose round the dutch bulb stall which sold a massive amount of tulips and other less hardy plants for sale. 

Up the top is the food stalls and other diy products including 50 versions of steam cleaner and a section on beauty products including yoga and "facials".  Highlights included a palatable Gallo wine free sample in a tiny glass (incidentally thats about as much wine as I can stomach), a beautician with the most massive tits imaginable (didn't get the name of the stall or a photo of her either) and the Battersea Dogs home stall which is always nice.  We saw a few guide dogs around so we guess they were dogs in training and a bit of Jean Christophe Novelli making Gazpacho.  We took a final look around and took the tube back home with a load of kids from Foxfield school one of the local primary schools where I'm from.

Fnarr Fnarr Fwoo Fwoo

I'm here to fix your sink. . . 

Dear dogs.

Reminds me of Little Kings Story for Wii

Bromley Junk Tour.

We decided to get the bus to Bromley one of the nicer areas of town, and unlike east London, not one of my regular haunts.  Its a double jump from where I live, a bus to Lewisham and a choice of buses to Bromley and its Glades Shopping Centre.  With a little side trip as well to Catford seeing as its on the way back.

I did quite well, with a few decent records and a few weird ones as well.  The red cross had some vinyl that wasn't from the ark and we managed to pick up a Heimelektro ep (ELF live) and a Miss Yetti remix EP (half remembered from a Hacker Mix CD).

Our main trip to Bromley was a little disappointing as both Gamestation and CEX had closed down.  Back in the day  that CEX was cool it was the first ever place I saw import playstation games (we picked up Dragon Quest 7 there before the import side was totally killed off) and FFV for Snes in all its job class and impenetrable Japaneseness.  Square did a ballsed up job of localising it for anthology and it took the GBA version before they added a decent script.  Those days are sadly long gone with them dealing with more second hand phones and other peripheral junk.  

There was a few things that did stand out, this includes seeing the worlds blackest child throwing a rugby ball around with his pal.  They also had a guy handing out driving school leaflets which makes a change from the usual weirdos.  Speaking of which they still have the Socialist wankers down by the bus stop in Lewisham, apparently everything is still the tories fault nothing changes.

So we get the bus back to Lewisham and get off early at Catford with its decent array of charity shops.  We managed to pick up quite a few things including some old UK Garage (DJ Hype, maybe awful maybe not) a Californian Raisins EP and The Spoken Word of Rock n Roll. We also got a poetry CD with Michael Rosens Boogy Woogie Buggy on it (still sealed) and an Eat Static EP (because old trance is the bomb.)
Our bus home had fat sea cows rowing with a mum with a pushchair, which just made me reach for my revolver.

Stand out Tracks

Poems For Children Michael Rosen and Friends. 41 Poets for Oxfam.

A mix of poems for Oxfam from Plummeister Michael Rosen (he has Boogy Woogy Buggy and Really!) and a few other nice poems from Ian McMillan, Roger McGough and Gervase Phinn.  Mostly got for the Michael Rosen stuff but the whole of this could be used if I'm in a sentence mixing mood. Like I said above its still sealed and we got this from The Salvation Army for 99p instead of Oxfam.

The Spoken Word of Rock n Roll

Stars Organisation for Spastics grouped together about a billion celebrities for this hatecrime on wax.
Theres Stephen Fry from QI (a baffling version of Elvis Hound Dog), Cannon and Ball, Frank Bruno, Babs Windsor and Russell Grant. Speaking over rock n roll classics.  Thankfully theres no Jimmy Saville but they do cover Gary Glitters Do you Wanna Touch me (if he does call the police) so we are spared Jingle Jangle Jewellery.   Apparently this is sought after because Roger Moore is on this (as is noted Astronomer Patrick Moore) why I  haven't a clue as its balls awful.  The S.O.S is now just the Stars Organisation, though this sort of thing is still going on I believe.

We'll try and get a link going for this if it isn't shot down by the copyright cunts at Youtube.