Breaking down.

Feels like I'm going through a phase in my life where everything seems to fall apart. A few cases in point.

I suffered a choking fit in the cancer research shop yesterday, you know one of those where you can't breathe. After a while I got better but not before everyone thought I was some sort of plague carrier for SARS 2 electric boogaloo. They offered me a mask but I had my own with me. I know I'm fine but its that accusation that I'm not that carried over and it bugs me.

I tried in the week to get a photo of a cartoon guinea pig for my mum from an old diary chucked out, only for me to be cunted down by some Karen in the block asking why I was photographing her diary, she chucked out. I had no real reason that, only that I liked the design and that but of course I can't say that and fear took over and now I feel like I'm the monster.  Some how I just wish to be like normal people for once.

Last straw is the TV downstairs broke and we got lucky with grabbing a new one from Currys. Set up is a doddle but doing so broke Sky Q so now we have to get this working especially the small "satellite" box for downstairs TV, which is ironically closer to the router than the main Q box. Also we lost picture on the VCR and as we're back full time, grabbing has slowed significally. 

The worst website in the world.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Criminal Girls review.

Been delving into the Vita for a while now and its pretty obvious that this is going to end up a JRPG machine for me complete with Square Enix token localisation of its biggest hits and the like.  I already have Disgaea 4 and Persona 4 the Golden ( basically an Extended Directors Cut, think of what they did with Persona 3 Portable on the PSP but with even moar content) and Criminal Girls Invite Only.

Criminal Girls.

Two of those games are stone cold classics the other one not so much, and I'll tell you why.
Criminal Girls was originally a PSP game that didn't come to the west during the consoles lifespan.  There's a bloody good reason for it, as its a massively pervy dungeon crawler letting you chastise juvenile delinquents in order for them to learn new skills.  There is a Kotaku review that isn't fit for purpose written by Mike Fahy (sounds like a two bit Evangelist) here or rather where the link is and I'll be riffing off of that while doing a review of it myself.

I remember this being trailed a bit over at Andriasang before it shut up shop (ironically I later moved to Kotaku and found it totally boring, this was ages before GamerGate and accusations of corruption and nepotism so my axe to grind with Kotaku started way back) and though it looked cool.   I did go looking for it on download sites a while back, but when I finally found it had been updated and released for the Vita, I just had to snap it up being a big Nippon Ichi fanboy that I am.

First impressions is that this is totally what I would call a Grindhouse game.  You know a totally insane concept with a healthy dose of good old exploitation and or ultra violence.  If you want to know what makes a grindhouse game, think Hotline Miami Video nasty schlock style or  or Bayonetta 1 and 2, an insane witchcraft kung fu hairstyle / outfit combat style action game.

This is in the same style for those who do not know, you apply for a prison warden job at a prison that is at the depths of hell, overseeing juvenile delinquent girls and helping them atone for future crimes they will go on to commit.  So far so Prisoner Cell block H, especially with the Vinegar tits style warden slapping you around with every misstep, but just who are your charges you may ask.  I don't remember the names of all of them, there is the mad one with massive jugs who tries to lay you out with one punch everytime (She's called Ran), there is Kisaragi who is blonde and the most reasonable of the bunch,  Sato is a loli style character looking for Yuko, though at the moment I don't have a clue who that is (friend / sister / small puppy?) finally there is the dark haired one with the biggest rack of all (she's called Alice and appears to be Psychic).  She doesn't say much and what she does say is accompanied with a weird bleeping sound.   Its also implied that there are 4 more girls to come but at the moment we don't know who they are.

As you may have noted a long while back, this is a top down style Dungeon Crawler reminiscent of those you got on the old PS1, not a rogue like as I previously thought.  Its a pretty much a perfunctory one at that as well.  Its got some generic enemies to fight (yay slugs) and a good dose of H action courtesy of the infirmary scenes.

In fact to do anything in this game you are going to need to spank the living daylights out of any of the girls you own, they won't be able to attack until you do.  Administering strict discipline to your charges will of course open them up for learning various attacks and even let them open up to you as a person.  This is done by defeating the aforementioned slugs in battle and dealing out 'CP' points to your girls in a bizarre touch screen minigame.

There is quite a bit of censorship here which is understandable as they have to sell it to Murica, so you get a pink fog obscuring your view of your jail bait charges, (you don't see anything TBH, its panties and obscured nudity only) and if you do it well you will level them up and unlock some abilities.  Combat is a 4 way affair, you pick the girl that has the most to say (normally, lets go old lady, attack x2 and I wish I was kidding here) and whale on what ever enemy has triggered your random encounter (normally a slug but it could either be a weird looking hog or a raven).  When the creature dies you'll get the traditional cash, XP and boost to your CP points or whatever they were called.  There is an infirmary where you can heal up, save your game and administer discipline and that is about it.

The bottom line here is that despite the whole spanking fetish angle the game isn't that great, I can't think why this was ever a physical title as it would have worked a lot better as a cheap download from the Playstation Store.  Price it at £10 or £15 and you would have something that while not great would be ideal as a cheap curiosity. As it stands as a full price title its not worth your time, but if you can pick it up cheap then its worth delving into it.

Election special.

Happy Easter everyone, if you haven't guessed its election time here in the UK, which means its time for broken promises and grandstanding on a huge scale.  It also means the current coalition is going to be a new coalition.  On Thursday there was a massive 7 way orgy debate on TV, where it was supposed to show who you would vote for and who definitely it wouldn't be getting in.

Needless to say I didn't watch it but read a bit through the forums, news and the press.  What I can say is that if they were going out of their way to make them seem unelectable they succeeded.

I give you my own run down in my own inimitable (I.E tiresome and surreal) style on the winners and losers.

David Insincere. Conservative.

To be honest I really don't like him either as a PM or as a speaker. Every word he says comes across as fake and insincere.  I normally vote Conservative due to where I live being a perma labour borough since way back.  You could put a shaved ape in a red rosette where I live and people would still vote for it as their Labour candidate.  Currently whenever I think of a Tory its a privileged buffoon like Mayor Boris or sinister baldie's like William Hague or Ian and Duncan Smith.  There are a few good eggs like Michael Gove who wanted to kick the lefites out of school teaching, but in the end was shunted off to another post.  No currently the reason why they will not get  my vote at this election is due to not understanding what makes the internet great.  

They have been waging a one dork war on smut and filth, one of the main reasons that the internet is such a great place to be.  I've never shied away from the fact that  I love the "pron" and the Tories don't get it that smut made the Internet what it is.  Most of what they are proposing has already come to pass, most adult star sites are age restricted and setting up another layer of bureaucracy to police sites that are mostly hosted outside the UK is going to be a waste of tax payers money.

Ed Mr Bean.  Labour.

I've nailed my colours to the mast as noted above but its a dark day when this actually comes to pass when he is considered an electable , representative of parliament. Labour are typical left leaning which means they range from tiresome cunts such as the socialist wanker party to the smug Islington champagne socialists, I.E everyone you ever saw on the BBC.  Typical weak on the economy, strong on equality, expect them to be the saviour of the NHS, but don't, crucially, expect them to come up with any decent figures of how to pay off our debts and deal with austerity.  They probably won't close the food banks either.

Nick 'Middle Manager' Clegg. Liberal Democrats

Face it there is a certain person who is destined to be middle management, in looks and deeds then its Nick.  The Libs are your typical 3rd place party, typically doing well at a local level but never actually succeeding much beyond a few token seats.  The press have painted him as largely Tyrion Bannister in a sharp suit (i.e a cold, duplicitous weasel, thwarting the brave Prime Minister at every turn).  I don't see it as such but he did shed most of his policies for a shot at power.  The effect is that they have slipped down massively and currently enjoy the popularity normally reserved for swivel eyed racists and Monster Raving Loonies.

 Wee Nicola Fish Scots Nazis.

The Scots National Party are a sort of proper socialist party, kinda like what Labour was, if it thought that those policies would get them elected anymore.  I did have a soft spot for them in the Scottish elections last year but, they seem to be run by a woman who looked like my old form teacher (and held the same views politically).  Will probably do well north of the border where anyone right wing is strangled at birth.

Nigel Farrago. mUdKIP.

Have a soft spot for Nige, but not really his policies.  He comes across as the archetypal pub bore, holding court with pint in hand from either bar or from the saloon.  UKIP, I'm never really sure where they stand, for one they want to do away with the NHS and institue some  hideous American private system.  I wouldn't mind some Australian style system for controlling immigration, and as a population we get no say on immigration thanks to anyone putting up a reasonable debate is immediately branded a racist and all dissent is shut down.  Personally I have some reservations thanks to open borders (you need housing and infrastructure, to deal with an influx, all of which is at a premium, which  is why we want controls, there that wasn't so racist was it) that regardless of my own people are we set up to deal with all these people.

They will probably do quite well at the polls maybe even take a few councils and gain a few seats, but I don't see them lasting, come a by election, they'll be first up against the wall.

Welsh bird Plaid Album. /  Leftie Airhead Green Party

I'm lumping these final two together as they didn't really do much, the greens are your typical protest vote full of wacky policies and environmental nonsense over a thin veneer of Left Wing rubbish.  Plaid are strictly a Wales only party and generally supplant the Tories and Lib Dems for second place. Like the SNP they do not run in England so will not impact much on English stuff.

Green's will probably do well and already run Brighton and Hove (think of the English San Franscisco and you'll be right) maybe a protest vote for all those left wingers disillusioned with Labour kinda like what the right is with UKIP. 

Comedown.

Like the title says this is the final review we'll do.  All the best bits forgotten from the previous two reviews and a round up of stories of the year.  But first the final crusty remnants.

Meghan Trainers.  All about that ass.

Or indeed bass, you all know what this is about and its a guilty pleasure, like a McDonalds or a crispy Kreme donut. The lyrics are the usual bollocks essentially and she's more homely than full on fat like most Muricans, but there's something about this that keeps me coming back.  Maybe its the audio equivalent of Chinese food.

The Taylors of Harrogate Coffee Ad.

Reading the comments its apparently a version of listen to the mockingbird and possibly scanned in from a crackly old 78, rather than a tape but this is one of the best things of the year.  Just a bit of psychedelia to sell you coffee rather than some old bullshit dreamed up by admen on coke.

A bit more on stems.

Forgot I took this screen grab until I was scrolling through the pictures on my HD. Highlighted is the only thing audible in the entire file.

This weighed in as a 52Meg download from Soundcloud.

You know what is even worse after erasing all deadspace from every file, and creating and saving a project file in Psycle, it still comes to only 46 MB.

                                        F E A T U R E   P R E S E N T A T I O N

Great stuff in YTP.

Well there is a few things that have kept me laughing this year.  First of all is a new Krobo Poop a part two of his Fesh Prince of Blair.  Its around 14 Minutes of fun but keeps you entertained.

Caillou celebrates Ebolaween. from CS188. Why not draw mummy's twins on the Joj lantern this Ebolaween, cos its a damn good return to form.

Noisepuppet stuff.  Possibly  the last one about cheese or the Harbee's training video poop which is very well done.  There are a lot of  Rosen poopers such as Mad Mothz or Root Negative 16 which are entirely worthy of your time, but (and this is a big butt) for me a great new find is the Septic Foundary guys, I'm a sucker for some good sentence mixing.

Yay stuff in general.

Sargon Of Akkad.
Don't normally get involved with feminism in general but, this is a good enough starting point now that the Internet Aristocrat channel is closed.  If you despise Tumblr feminists, mental illness fakers (look up headmates) and social marxists in general this is a good enough antidote to all that.

Ashens.

You should know by now that I love Dr. A's work, ever since I came across him on the now defunct World Of Stuart forum, but his stuff keeps getting better, either the ropey block tech advent calendar, chef Excellence who I'm sure is in the Just Eat ad, or the regular Poundland haul of cheapo toys. True there has been some that are hard to watch, anything involving massively out of date food, but the rest is pure gold.

Fappening.

Just for showing us what Cat Deeley's snatch looked like {NSFW}.  Oh and about a million other things thanks to lax password controls and an absolute faith in cloud security, to protect when the best security is keeping it secret and backed up offline.  I know I should be banging on how terrible this is but for a basement dweller who will never score, this is gold.  Also the best thing to come out of Downtown Abbey is surely Jessica Finlay nude right (along with the one time that the cat stole the chicken).

Nay stuff.

Gamergate.
I know there is a lot of this to take in such as the not your shield hashtag for those non CSI Miami types, all you female gamers out there and all you gaymers who don't identify with the rad feminists who want gaming to end.  I just don't like all the death threats on twitter this generated, and I really abhor the way the anti side tried to say we are dead.  I've read a lot about this over the 6 months it came out and now I can say this please end.  It doesn't affect regular gamers who still have to put up with non i'll informed bullshit about violence, in fact there is a year old piece masquerading as news in the mail today about violence and misogyny in gaming which says how much the mainstream still hates us.

Its not about ethics in journalism either as the whiny anti gg side have latched onto as game journalism is, was and in the future will still be, shit. In fact to me the worst thing about this generation is the built in obsolescence of it all, that console games are now as badly bugged as PC games, and require patches to work, its paying for DLC that is already on disc, its the fact that when the servers are turned off or the Hard drives start to die, that this generation will leave nothing behind unless archived.  Its not some soppy bint with a degree in social studies saying that all games are sexist, though bollocks still isn't as bad as some of the shit pulled by the industry (Ubisoft and EA i'm looking at you).  The best thing about it all is saying full Mcintosh, which is a much nicer way of saying full retard especially if you work with spackers.

300

This is just an awful little post celebrating the fact we have reached the milestone of  300 posts, and telling you that our regular year end review is coming on Christmas day in the morning, and boxing day with the usual errors and omissions accepted due to my faulty memory.

That's all.

People Who Annoy Us

So I've spent the best part of half an hour dicking about trying to find a way of logging in to post this, as Google in their infinite wisdom decides I need a Google+ account even though my existing G+ account is never ever used.  Oh it gets stuff posted to it and if I'm surfing in Chrome I can even put comments on videos "lucky me" but if I use Firefox and who wouldn't I can't even do that as Google Plus is SHITE.
I've sort of fixed it now as I have added a X (its not an app we're not apples) to Chrome which means I should be able to sign in and post through that.

Normally I use Chrome for select things (I.E porn) as Firefox gets all my regular day to day traffic, Chrome also hosts a few out and out classic games such as Miniclip pool and Spelunky, and of course Spelunky Porn.

Nonce Sense.
Incidentally here is another one of my bugbears, NSPCC ads. They've got a new ad out for Christmas reusing the same child actors who by my reckoning must at least be grown up with their own kids by now, but with some added bits of onscreen gunk and a fey version of a Christmas hit.  Is this a thing now get some dopey bird to sing a light version of hit songs, you know what I mean Gabrielle Aplin's version of The Power Of Love for John Lewis last year or Lily Allen with the bear nonsense for this year.

At least they didn't include the clip of the little boy playing Tony Hawks Skating, but I wouldn't put it past them. Incidentally one of the most excellent and by excellent, I mean messed up things I saw, was one of the original ads with a laugh track added.  Its gone from YT now as is my inspired copy (i.e. massive cash in) largely for using Orbital The Box as a backing track. I'll add it to Mediafire in anyone wants it but like everything I've made it is awful and everyone thought I was taking the piss out of abuse rather than the ad itself. The perils of Autism.

Christmas Junk

Forgive me if I treat this as some random update but have been busy with Christmas shopping and stuff.  Mostly getting stuff for parents and looking out for cards and presents so have been preoccupied and that.
Maybe next week I'll have something better but for now here are some unfocused stuff I've come across.

*Some hideous bear hats in Poundworld that are supposed to be endearing but come across as body horror.

*Finding someone had put some breath spray packs on the tampon rack in Wilkinsons, and if you got a dirty mind like me that is quite a bad stretch.  At least it wasn't Listerine.

*The only endearing thing I've seen is some Starlings singing down at Aldis at Thamesmead. They were all around the cars and on the handles of the trollies near Morrisons. A mix of youngsters and older birds in their winter plumage it was nice to see.

*Oh and Blockbusters is officially fucked.  The store there is officially closing today and they are flogging off all manner of gear at 90% off and various store fixtures as well.  They had Alien breed compilation for PC and a bargain basement bin full of PS2 football games.  Either Pro Evo or Fifa 03 they had Tiger Woods for PSP and Go Sudoku as well but to be honest I bought nothing at all as they had nothing that appealed to me.

Market Ting

We recently submitted ourselves to a bit of market research.  They have a few people outside Primark trying to sucker folk in with a quick survey and that and finally we relented.  Its for deodorant and antiperspirants and as we tend to sweat like a pig I guess I'm their perfect demographic.  On the plus side I was paid £5 for my time on the other hand it was absolutely bollocks.  We were asked what products we used by an African lady, (Lynx and Suremen) why we used them (you can pick them up cheap in Wilkos, often on offer) though they didn't ask my favourite, that you can cover the U and R in Suremen to make Semen. 

Their base is situated somewhere above Pizza Hut and we had to take a seat before being asked in by blonde lady go over these questions again whilst she dictated them into a screen recorder on PC.

Back with the African (who is increasingly difficult to understand) who has a room with a projector set up, we get our first inkling of what it is they are pushing. They have a screen with five dots and a hand control and she tells us to look at certain dots but NOT MOVE my head. She then flashes up various displays including one for Mitchum products.  i maybe an oblivious autistic robot but even I could see where this was going, we were going to be asked about Mitchum products. :(

Off to a room with another bird but this time with some specific instructions,  DO NOT look around, keep your face to the wall and stay behind the white line.  Fearing the worst we were told to turn around and pick items from a mocked up display including what you would normally buy.  She then asked us to pick the Mitchum product, which of course took ages, as no one has,
A: ever heard of them 
B: has ever used a Mitchum product possibly due to A and lack of marketing.

Comfortably pleased it was back to the African for more questions and answers and some pack shots of the product (watchword green and ropey) before bringing it out the big guns an ad (naked male torso with a tattooed dumbbell on the underarm) and a revised pack shot with much better packaging that the predominently green stuff we had seen before.  Finally this was done, and I got to sign out and get my 5 quid.  We really hope it works out for Mitchum but as I see it currently its more weird Poundland product than must buy.

TV Review of This Year.

Now: Nonce. Then : Hero

This has been a funny old year box wise.  We started off the year like this with a pic of Sir Jimmy and never talked about him and now end up with the revelation that he was the biggest Trevor Chester the UK has ever seen.  He apparently fixed it so that everyone looked the other way while he fucked everything in sight.

But first of all we'll start with a few lost ends.

Best T Power Impression.

Rudimental Feel The love.  Coming over like some 2012 version of Mutant Jazz this is not bad especially for a junglist hater such as myself.

We would add Gotye to the list but to be honest we'll add the Star Wars that we used to know instead as its much cooler.

Which leads into the best TV of the year.

Private Life of Plants in 3D With David Attenborough

Looking at plants in close up with a generous amount of Cacti and succulents thrown in for good measure this was the coolest of them all.  With revelations like bats making use of Cereus blooming to create a nectar Corridor and the worlds smallest (and most Endangered) Water Lilly and its propagation. That was cool.

Storage Wars.

We came to this late but damn this is good.  The premise is this people who cannot keep up with the payments on their lockers have it go to auction where they are sold off to people.  Often with Thrift Stores (a yank charity shop by any other name) or junk shops.  Sometimes the people come across treasure sometimes though they don't.  Its much more riveting than it seems, there is also a Texan spin off where everyone is 10 stone fatter and a redneck.

Best YTP The 2000s were a point in time Da Things. 

YTP is at its best when its used to rip into its target.  This neatly executes a handfull of 2000 songs with such aplomb its uncanny.

Best Source in a YTP video.

Pumkin.

A weird little online game that is supposed to teach kids English but comes across as really awkward hosted by a demanding pumpkin.  His catchphrase is I Don't Want that, and would really love it if you gave him the french Fry. 

Best Dreamcast era racing game.

Pyongyang Racer.
A pedestrian browser game that looks like it was coded for Dreamcast but in reality is the first game put out by ronery communist dictatorshp North Korea.  The game tasks you with driving round Pyongyang and collecting items for bonus  trivia. 

Miranda Awards for televisual despair. (we should make a logo for this)

2012 Olympics.

The bastard 2012 olympics as it should be known.  I only care about one Sport (snooker) and to be honest a whole 7 weeks worth of athletics and how they did really well makes me want to puke blood.  The opening wasn't that bad but the Underworld songs were underwhelming.  We watched it on iPlayer and just substituted old Underworld songs instead.  There was a load of cock about the NHS and a load of chimneys. We didn't like it at all.

Apart from that it was all gravy.

Chain Break - Freecorder are malware spamming cunts.

FUCK YOU FREECORDER.

There we said it, after what seems like 3 or so years we are free of your malware whoring cockrot, Applian, and we are never coming back.

In the beginning we had a need for your streamlined toolbar back when you were at 2.0, and actively enjoyed recording stuff with it, thanks to our onboard sound disabling recording for some retarded notion.  

True you didn't handle silences very well and split files up into little bits occasionally, but we overlooked your shortcomings as you did what you were told and.  Then you didn't work and found we had to upgrade, you came with all singing all dancing converter toolbar with tv shows and other apps, but you weren't that evil then and as a bonus you let us watch films you'd grab from youtube and other less salubrious areas of the net, (but not Iplayer for some reason).  

You would still let you record sounds, from diverse places such as WinUAE and even Rebirth sessions. With no grief at all.  Then we noticed you stopped recording films and would grab stuff only occasionally and then you gave us a free upgrade, with Conduit inc included.  We knew you were bad news when installing we checked no to Conduit and you still forced it onto us anyway and it took a while to block your shit completely, but you were still usable and still could record stuff, then you took away our right to watch those clips you downloaded on us preferring that you instead install a free FLV. player app that was actually Real Audio which was cock of the highest order.  We kicked your nonsense out and just used you for sound as by then you still didn't download films (even though you wouldn't let us watch them in app anymore) for some unknown reason.  

Then you couldn't do that right and we found out that there was a Freecorder 6.0 that boasted no Conduit and all the old ways mended.  Like a cock we took you back but by then we were wise to your schemes, you cosied up with freemods and invaded google Chrome so deep it took a boot time scan with Spybot and a week to free ourselves from your clutches.  We checked our other browsers and found you hijacked them as well changing homepages and putting you Fisher Price toolbar all over the place.  Well enough is enough we have kicked your sorry arse out and putting this up as a warning to others what a pile of cock you are. 
We now resume your standard viewing in ports part 2.  

Round Pup

We'll not lie to you its been a crap old week. Various stuff has taken its toll including my first copyright strike on Youtube and various stuff with relatives which although I won't talk about, will say isn't great.

On the plus side I managed to find something which I've been looking for for ages.  A parody of Walk Like an Egyptian by The Swinging Erudites called simply Walk With An Erection.  I am easily pleased and to be honest, am expecting this to suck balls.  I saw this at a bootsale about 10 years back along with some other stuff (someones Neo Geo Rom collection plus Neo Rage to play on my then wreck of a PC).

Copyright cunts again.

To be fair its full title would be retroactive copyright cunts.  Two claims including All4Media and Orchard Music have filed copyright claims and that tipped it onto my first copyright strike.  For further info it takes about 10 copyright claims to gain your first strike.  This involves filling in a damn fool questionnaire and watching a copyright is wrong message which I think involves the happy tree friends.  We also had a video removed which, we would have done anyway.  (We went too far TBH, never mix clips of TOWIE  with home made porn music).  Incidentally we own the copyright to the music so we uploaded a dub version with home made artwork.

Orchard music are representatives for Jappo and Lancinghouse and I suspect a lot of the other ID&T artists,
yeah I was surprised to see that as well.

Hing Hon Soundfont.

Hing Hon in the front, cat not included.

This is sampled from an especially cheap and nasty synth that you got with certain mail order catalogues, and quite possibly market stalls and boot sales.  It contains 8 instruments and 3 drum samples, and crucially for us a headphone port so we can sample the sounds.  We may improve this with better samples of the main instruments so I'll not be uploading it just yet.  We'll take samples of some of the soft bends you get, there's more details here for those interested, but for the impatient, you can trigger some crazy sounds by holding down two of the instrument keys, and playing the normal keys.  Organ and music box is quite nice if I remember correctly.

My love hate affair with torrenting.

Theres a thread up on BX forum detailing some of the stuff that you can't get for love nor money on torrent sites.  My 2 pence worth is this, if you go off the beaten track music wise then you stand a good chance of it not appearing.  Old electro, techno, minimal wave stuff, italo disco or acid are ignored unless your very lucky or visit Youtube where they are much more liberal with stuff like that (unless copyright cunts pull the owners channel).

My own personal experience with torrentz has been this, disappointing.  In fact, if I can't get it through Rapidlibrary or Megaupload or even direct from a site then lets face it its not worth bothering with.

This isn't some idle chatter either, at the moment, thanks to a bootsale mishap we have a Kevin Bloody Wilson case minus 1 CD.   Looking through the usual suspects, and finding it missing (we're looking for Kalgoorlie Love Songs BTW) we decide to check the torrents to find out if its been uploaded.   

Promising, there are about 7 streams and feedback is non existant but at least its there.

We download about 3 times and hit a brick wall. No one is seeding meaning that I get 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
00000000000000000000000000000000002KB per second.  Fuck this. Fuck this to hell.  Trying about
three different streams and finding the same thing.  Currently we're 87% there and its not getting any better as the tap has dropped off.  If I was pirating films or games or something popular I probably would expect a stellar service (though I doubt it).  But something I own but due to an oversight (no disc) don't well damn I expect better.

Other stuff.
Remember last week we promised you a hedgehog.  Well here he is in all his rolled up glory.

Poor guy someone tried to touch him inappropriately.

Also we've been listening to something I can't really square with my beliefs at all.  I've written before about my love hate relationship with the Far Left and Far Right before and used to run with some people who were far more right wing than I'll ever be.  When I was growing up there used to be some cunt promoting the Socialist Wanker party outside Smiths.  (Thats largely moot now, we have various African Christians singing now outside Smiths, and yes they're fucking annoying).

I digress, the far right have been pumping out Hate rock for what seems like ages and to say it doesn't appeal to me is a understatement.  However thanks to an article in The Sun, I discovered Saga.  Or rather Ode to a dying people, which is a nice folky ballad (we made a slightly disappointing Acapella for mashing up and general mixing) which is insanely catchy.  Its the sort of stuff they would play at the end of CSI when the killer has been caught and you need a montage of shots for David Caruso to raise his shades to.
I still don't like any of their other stuff though luckily theres no such thing as racist techno so the dance community is safe for now.

Room 101.

You know the book and the old TV show with Paul Merton / Nick Hancock. A place where all the evils of the world dwell and then some. Here's wikipaedia with a much better explanation of what I just said.

The TV show is the one I'm talking about Willis. Just so that we are on the same side here, we'll use the same criteria of the show, thats five picks of the worst shite imaginable, and we'll shove them into a pit.  Its my own personal list of suck. I'm known to like most things without exception, so  if some of them come across as strange or odd then so be it.  Its individualism dude, get over it.

Entrant 1. Marzipan.

I have never really liked this ever, and where there are foodstuffs of equal nastiness, {Baked beans come to mind} this is probably the worst of the lot for me.  Nasty bitter almonds and sugar combined to form vague explosive like blocks, that ruin christmas and wedding cakes.  In fact every cake it touches, how much better would battenberg be with a chocolate outer layer than one of crappy marzipan.

Entrant 2. Jehovas Witnesses.

Never understood this religion, their whole end of world millenarianism and steadfast belief that Christ is invisible and that all blood is sacred.  Oh and that knocking on doors can some how lead you to accepting Jesus into your life rather than a polite but heartfelt fuck off you weirdos.
Actually my hate on Jehovas comes from this belief i've held as a small child, that they are supremely unlucky, and coming into contact with them or their material will cause bad luck to follow you.  More exposure the more bad luck you'll receive.  I didn't say it was remotely rational, but that is what I sincerely believe.

Entrant 3. N-Dubz.

This could actually stand for Robbie Williams and his smug git ways, chirpy little can't Justin "Beeble" Bieber, or any number of hot, fresh new acts they punt on Kiss FM that simply fall into a massive grey audio sludge of rappers with recycled hooks.  What sets  the Dubz apart is this.  They aren't just rappers but they are also massive bell ends too.  Fappy and Dazer (we do know their real names) oh and Tulisa the only fittish one there, like a refugee from a Ben Dover council pram face special (and yeah I would watch that). There's plenty of decent talent in the UK at the moment,  Alison Moyet's daughter Adele, Katy B, Tinie Tempah (who went to St Pauls School and definitely passed by our house if we could remember which one he was.)
 The Advent, Underworld, Slam, Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Ceephax I could list more, but all have more worth then remploy kids in funny hats that can rap.

Entrant 4. Cilla Black.

We would also like Nick Knowles taken into consideration.  Any way Cilla like a gopher in drag, all scouse accent and teeth.  We would put up a photo of her in a light up dress taken at Kids on speed, Comic Relief but its really not for those with faint hearts.  Like Knowlesy, Cilla is a mass of insincere, see also Inscincere Dave Cameron for a masterclass in smarm.  Thats Cilla done.

Final Entrant. Storms.

This is about the only true Room 101 experience here, I really have a phobia about Storms.  I got caught out in one when only 3 in Greenwich park and had to shelter through it with my Mum and that to say it was horrible is an understatement, from that day forward I've hated them.  Sure I can look at lightning pictures and say that they are pretty, but the actual real thing is over in milliseconds a flash then a rumble or a crash all uncertainty and terror.  In my ideal world they would hang like stalactites in the sky slowly over millions of years growing extra bits of electricity till they reach the ground and discharge into harmless showers of sparks. Oh and all thunder would be subsonic or at least under 10 decibels.  Of course there is no way in the world that this would ever be workable, weather just isn't like that.
Seeing as I don't believe maybe you could put in a word with god dear reader to make it so.