Farewell Old Friend

Before I start on this weeks topic here is a sentence I never thought I would say, I actually agree with a Liz Jones column.  Specifically this one on Red Nose Day.  Though we may share different ideas about this, (she finds it inherently patronising and borderline racist whereas I just find it to be overpromoted, cynical and promotes an involuntary give us your fucking money culture rather than leaving it voluntary).  Africas main problem is and will always be corruption, and I would rather pay for items in a charity shop or put small change into one of these than "do something funny for money" see also children in need as well.

This is of course not what I wanted to talk about, but rather the slow decline and demise of my old PC.  Bought back in 2003 for a grand along with my first digital camera (also fucked)and Printer thrown in (ditto) and was home to our first Dial Up internet connection (to AOL of all places, now cancelled).

It had a lot wrong with it in the end, starting with it not being able to play DVDs properly, having virtual memory problems, adding a Zonealarm firewall introduced a host of problems and corrupted a lot of things  prompting an upgrade to a vista pc.. It lost a USB port due to the clumsy git installing my broadband, before  it was relegated upstairs, offline and out of sight pressed into service to print the odd document or emulation fun. 

Its final decline was announced by finding an old XP machine chucked out at work, slightly better processor and with a flat screen to boot.  We took it home and cleared some hideous cyberpatrol rubbish off it and a load of Turkish MP3s.  It was then that my old machines fate was sealed,  I spent half a day off taking it apart keeping various bits and pieces (mouse and keyboard as well as a kettle lead for my new monitor) and reserving my old HD before it went to the tip.

Here are a few pictures I shot to say goodbye.

DVD, CDR, and Floppy are your choice of drive.

They tied a knot in our power lead!

Groovy carpet check, Extra gubbins check.

On board Video by NVidia.

256MB of DDR RAM.

The Asocial network games.

 Before we start Sundays sermon, Dr A has a review of Blazes NEO GEO X and it is as disappointing as it sounds.

You can continue now.

This is a follow on from this, on notorious shillfest Real Racing 3, a game that requires you to spend to tune up after every race and freemium gaming where your only real cause is to pay to win.
  
We play a few games on facebook namely Farmville2 and Candy Crush Saga.  The first needs no introduction, its a farming game from Zynga, kinda like a dumbed down Harvest moon but with pay to play items, the other is a rather insidious Bejewelled clone that relies on lives and levels, and pretty harsh unlocks.

Zynga of course are well known for this stunt, want some extra fripperies or in my case a Yucca tree and they'll happily sell it to you (we didn't buy of course) cheap, so long as you have enough rupees (or farmbucks).  None of these things they sell are essential by the way these extra cows and ornaments are not needed to progress just to give variety and make the place look nice, and a few more XP to level up.  

Candy crush saga on the other hand is evil, a Bejewelled clone that is not only very good but also a complete shill, requiring either pay to use unlocked items or real cash to progress past a certain point.  I've always hated that either paying for freemium content or social networking stuff that penalises the friendless (and lets face it I'm a loner and proud).  There are of course people who will pay up for stuff as well as those with massive rosters of friends to call on to help unlock certain stuff, I'm lucky relying on Farmville community members to grab stuff for me and my cousin to help out with the posting stuff (occasionally).  But it still comes down to this, if you're a loner, you really aren't going to like freemium social networking stuff.

Even worse is that freemium relies on In App Purchasing (why is nothing a program anymore) to play to win.  That leaderboard top spot should be earned by skill not by how rich you are(n't).  

I would love to see a game where pay to play is penalised, if this is truly the new arcade then you should play by arcade rules.  Old Capcom games used to add a number in the unit columns of your score to show how many times you continued (SNES Streetfighter 2 is a prime example) maybe a separate hi score table for those who pay and a proper one with unlockable in game currency for those who play normally and get above a certain score (maybe beating the initial in game Hi score or top spot).
 
I would also love to see a game where all the IAP purchasing was either unnecessary or rigged in some way.  Take for instance an RPG where a sword bought in game will leech your XP to use or in exteme cases not allow you to level up for at least 2 months after purchase (they love the timer unlocks freemium so lets at least have some fun with it).  Or in candy crush's case those special items that work but do not record your score and use up a life to trigger.  
 Or to put it another way If you pay to play you're a sucker.

We're saying our market is suckers — we're going to cast a net that catches as many mentally ill people as we can!"
Nik Davidson Amazon.

Room 101 pt 2

We did one of these way back, looking at Jehovahs Witlesses, Marzipan, Storms, N Dubz and our Cilla (who lets be fair wasn't that bad).  The show has had a bit of a redesign so in order to comply with the new rules it we'll add a further three to the list and go into more details.

 Incidentally, the show itself is a bit meh now, Frank Skinners the host now and  there are now 3 people argue their cause instead of one guest with a list of stuff.  Its still funny but has its own problems.  Most of the guests are rank and its locked down to certain approved genres rather than a general whinge.

For those that keep track of such things here are how its gone down over the years.

The Original with Nick Hancock and Frank Skinner as guest.

The later version with:
Paul Merton as Host and Stephen Fry as guest.

and finally:
 Frank Skinner with old vinegar tits Craig Revel Horwood as one of the guests the other is some comedian and Sheila Hancock.

You'll see a sharp decline in quality here as both Paul Merton and Nick Hancock are supremely watchable whereas Frank Skinners internship, while still boss, is noticeably crapper.

Thats enough about the show I'll add my further three things to exile for oblivion here.

Paloma Faith.

The new format gave us an unholy nexus of evil that had Michael McIntyre and her as guests on the new series.  The last guest I've forgotten but could have been Pol Pot for balance sake.  Anyway McIntyre is of course an Insincere Dave a telemarketer posing as a comedian with a plastic soul and bugger all funny and he's still runner up to her.

Imagine if Janet Street Porter and Polly Toybee from the Guardian spawned a child, so left wing and irritating in both voice (a little girl voice thats enough to drive you mad) and politics (Socialist nonsense), that the only sane response would be to kill it with fire.  Room 101 only lasted 30 minutes but when she was on I'm sure it lasted a whole millennium.  She's the reason I can safely demote Cilla Black to only a harmless Irritant. 

In App Purchases.

Do you play games on facebook or smartphone, you'll know what you mean.  They are the optional bollocks you get so you can add custom tat to your farm in Farmville, or give yourself extra lives or do anything in Candy Crush Saga.  They're a cancer ruining decent games, often giving you a massive paywall so you either pay up to proceed and gain better stuff or you get left behind.  I may write more about this, but so far its the singlest most unappealing thing about modern games.

A Question of Sport.

 I'm no lover of Sue Barker, so this goes in.  Nick Hancock used to do a show called They Think Its All Over, a sports quiz that pisses over this from a great height.  I see its reusing some of the rounds that were on there but with its trademark Forced Bonhomie.  In fact that would be an enjoyable rebranding A Question of Forced Bonhomie.  Its been going on since the mid 80's (it had David Colemanballs as host and was enjoyable) and seems stuck in a timewarp of bad puns, smugness and bloody Sue Barker draining the life out of everything she touches.

New Blood.

We've had a clear out of the links section to the side of this blog (its in the role call of heroes section).  We have kicked out links to the World Of Stuart as the main site has been dormant since 2010 and the forum has ground to a halt. Stu mainly writes on scots politics now so even Wosland is sporadically updated. If you still have a yen for all things Scottish and especially of a left wing / pro independece leaning then this will be right up your alley.

Which means we bring in 3 fresh new sites to take its place.

People love a picture no matter how irrelavent

First up is Sufami thoughts a game website that reviews bizarre import Super Famicom titles.  Its really well done, so take a look if you remember half page reviews of import games in Superplay. And fingers crossed that they'll look at Syo the seal (Shonen Ashibe) some point in the future.

Second up is the Shit London site.  Looking at all the temporary things that infest our capital be it, misspelt signs, crap ads or hoardings, Graffiti and especially knobs drawn on  things or just weird stuff in general.  We picked up the book last week and liked it so this gets a link.

Finally last but not least is Scarfolk Council, a place somewhere in England, that thanks to witchcraft, is stuck in a loop in the 1970's.  Utterly strange and with mocked up public information awareness posters and the like reminds me of the much missed Framley Examiner website. 

Oh and judging by the comments those cunts at Applian have made Freecorder even more evil adding in a trojan into the bargain now like I say stay the hell away. 

2oo, 2OO, 200, We made it to 2Oo.

Well this is our 200th post and before we get down to business I'd like to say thanks to all our viewers. 

Mostly you're here to complain about Freecorder and read our Xmas review of the year, but I hope at least some of you are tuning in for other stuff (even if it does not have many nice pictures like all the other blogs).
Anyway we have another disparate junk tour for you today.  This time we're back at Camden and have a brief pit stop at Ilford.

Camden

Camden is the best for thrift stuff.  There are a good few chains of Charity shops with an unending stream of worthy types giving away stuff and more importantly it has a chain of Music and Record Exchange which means it gets the cast offs from them as well as stuff from your more normal punter.

Case In point.  We managed to pick up albums by Like A Tim and Autechre and this is from a charity shop rather than some boutique record store.  Which goes to show you the power of Camden and their Middle class socialism centered outlook. 

You aren't here for the good stuff you want to know the absolute junk we got, and this doesn't disappoint. We picked up three tapes from a shop that billed itself as a Charity shop but has no overall charity it gives to.
It has a shed load of CDS and Vinyl as well as a small box of tapes.  After I had picked out some goodies and started looking fruitlessly through the vinyl an Irish Tramp came in and tipped up the whole box and began searching through the whole lot, even inquiring if they had anymore out the back.  Anyway we got...

Arvo Part. Tabula Rasa.

Not junk and certainly an aberration in classical music in that it is not readily pigeon holed into 3 catergories.
Advert music, rubbish that sounds like silent movie Music, and Unlistenable modernist rubbish.

In fact the best thing about this is that it was genuinely affecting, and full of emotion either that or I was knackered after a long day.  This is considered a highlight of the trip.

Nix Mix.

This is just a plain tape with a lot of acid jazz and old soul on it. Think Brand New Heavies and Incognito and you'll know what I'm talking about, its neither good nor bad just average.

Hypnotherapy Tape.

This is the real gold.  A tape of a hypnotherapist who sounds alternately gormless and creepy, complete with drops in audio and noise from being too close to the mic.  Its rather funny.

Oxfam.

These are the biggest scalpers going in the business, and consequently where I spent the most cash, we picked up a few records here including the aforementioned Like A Tim album and a few singles including Spectre dub a collaboration between The Orb and Manasseh.   We were also invited upstairs to check out more vinyl by the shop clerk which we readily did.  They have more books and a load more records  to check out.  The best thing I saw but didn't get was a graffitied version of Vanilla Ice's album with a speech bubble of him saying I suck Satans cock.  Someone obviously had a sense of humour and I'm a big enough Bill Hicks fan to get the reference.


Ilford.

There isn't much here but it did see the bizarre return of Japanese Saturn games in incongruous settings.  This time it was the turn of both the Dreamcast and Saturn versions of the Tomb Raider franchise.  Which is unsettling to say the least.  One of these days I'm going to turn up in one out of the way borough and find a lone copy of Radiant Silvergun or some such rarity up on the shelves (knowing my luck in Oxfam for £100).

We did  pick up Sounds of the Sea a flexidisc / Childrens book hybrid narrated by Michael Aspel and is some sort of promotional item for Ribena.  If you're a fan of Mr Scruff samples of this turned up on Ahoy There the last track on Trouser Jazz. Apart from that and the fact that they had a PS2 network disc in the local thief converters meant it was a good day out.

Eltham Junk Tour

Its been awhile since I've given you one of these, thanks to the cold weather (would you believe there would be snow in winter!) and few chances to go it alone, there has been little in the way of junk trips untill now.
Normally we give you a round up from somewhere over the river but, this is a tour firmly focused south of the Thames.

First some info, Eltham is one of those places that is inconvenient to get to by bus, I don't drive and it takes two buses to get in even though its relatively close, its just never had the links to the where I live.  Also Eltham is rather humdrum, apart from Poundland and a 99P store there are no real major retailers here just a few of the big supermarket chains, and a really tiny Smiths.  From previous trips there, they did have an Our Price and a really weird corner shop that sold video games as well as the usual stuff.  We remember it sold Jaguar stuff and some SNES things on the side but that has long gone.

It also has a shed load of charity shops which is the focus of our trip.  Our first port of call was the British Hate (Heart) Foundation, with a mix of stuff, mainly charity shop staples such as old Classical and Max Ingraves they also had some new stuff we managed to grab some early Adamski which is always nice to find.

Eltham Palace is possibly theonly reason you'd go to Eltham.

We had a good look in Game and picked up an excellent guide to Nintendo toys running from 1889 to 1980 it covers the pre gaming Nintendo (some arcade releases just scrape in) for £15.  If you want more and can't afford that the excellent beforemario blog is a good place to start.

Our final trip is down to Well hall for a brief look in to the Cats Protection place. Where they had some more neat stuff, including the Orbs remix of Lisa Stansfield and Grooveriders take on Isotoniks Different Strokes, which we happily snapped up (single sided on FFRR fact fans).  Overall it was good trip, and maybe it'll take more than a few years to get me back there again.

Various stuffs

We have been down to my aunts place in suffolk so this is a rather late and very belated issue of King Tibbet.  We've been using her laptop and its rubbish trackpad to contol instead of a good old mouse pointer.  Not good. On the plus side I did sort out her connection issues for her, so now she can use her old PC as well to surf the internets.  OK on with the show.

Ports fulfilled: sort of.

Looks like someone has made a neon parody version of COD. Its called CoD of Duty and can be found here.  It has over the top neon colours, a ridiculous premise, and looks to be a barrel of fish (fun).

PSP Watch.

We picked up Gradius Generations from CEX in Lowestoft for the princely sum of £15. Something I thought remained in Japan along with Twinbee Pack, Parodius pack and the Salamander compilation.  So far we've only looked at it briefly, and not started any of the games, but it looks promising.  It holds Gradius, Gradius II: Gofer no Yabou, Gradius 3, Gradius 4 and Gradius Gaiden.  I'm not sure if its scarce or what but like I said this is something I've never seen outside the Japanese Portable releases in the old Game Focus shop in Goodge Street (now defunct).

Romancing SaGa 3 Gets a Spanish Translation.

For those that Hablo Espanol, there is a patch out for Romancing SaGa 3 on the SNES.  Its by Magno and can be gotten either from Romhacking.net or Magno's page. He's also promised an English Retranslation of the original, which is nice.

Flashcart works.

We finally got our gear together and downloaded the proper firmware for our labelless but entirely legitimate R4i.  Turns out it required the newer non 3DS firmware rather than the old ones.  We may get stuff not released in a billion years here along with any good homebrew, or overpriced Nintendo stuff like Pokemon. 

Currently we are looking for a Tetris the Grandmaster clone for DS that was made and received a cease and desist order from Arika.  A shame as it was by all accounts excellent.

Finally if you like to read and want to know the highlights of MAME development (with a side order of MESS updates thrown in) you can go here to read David Haywoods a year in MAME.  Put aside a comfy chair because this is long.