Haiti talk.

First up some sad news, looks like the only decent news channel has gone HD only which means no more SD France 24 or France van cat as its known on pain of death. Wiki reckons its up in the high 800s now along with all the Asian networks so will have a look. If not it looks like I'm going to have to default to the terrible Russia Toady or TFTWorld.

Feature Presentation. Haiti:

We attended a talk on the Cacti of Haiti on Wednesday in the welcoming dank basement of Keston Community centre, its been hot as hell here, so it being in the cool is the one benefit of the heat. Our guest speaker was Paul Hoxey who undertook the trip along with some people from the Gibraltar Botanic Gardens (which  I've been to).

Something of an unknown quotient, Haiti is the perpetually disaster prone, french half of Hispaniola along with the Dominican Republic its Spanish counterpart and Cuba, they are some of the oldest and largest bits of the Caribbean.

Thanks to many problems such as natural disasters and poverty / aid cycle, Haiti can be thought of as an African nation in the heart of the Caribbean.

Most of the trees have been cut down for charcoal production leaving the cacti behind in big stands across the island.  Thanks to aid most people live on a subsistence level, leaving Haiti as a gibocracy if you will not growing stuff if you give it for free.  There is litter and pigs roaming free in the major cities and yet it can be stunning with plenty of beaches.  The upside to this is its poorly explored with only Charles Plumier visiting in 1700's and Ekman in the 1920's contributing a lot to their flora. 

Its a stunning talk with a focus on cacti, there's a new Cereus that Plumier found and has only been described now, along with a few Melocacti and Pilosocereus.  There is some ruined forts that were built to fight the french and the spot where Columbus landed in 1492.  It has great potential, stunning beaches and the people seem resourceful, its just a shame that its held back by aid culture and handouts.

Still VHS Mess

Still working out how to grab stuff here. Virtualdub has as sync problem where audio plays naturally but all visuals are sped up like in old Benny Hill.  Ironic seeing that I'm trying grab some bits from the end of Benny, specifically some bits from channel 4's new years line up.  Eurotrash, Adam and Joe show and TFI Friday with Chris Evans before it goes into Mel Brooks Robin Hood Men in Tights.

We have old Vegas here cracked and patched for it and will try again to see if it will grab stuff from the dongle as well.

Hackney Junk Tour

 We were originally going to go to Islington as it was horrible out, but ended up walking into Hackney instead.  If your tastes go towards the left wing and you don't like a proper high street then Hackney is the proper place for you, as its a shambles of a place sprawling all over the shop like a bad rash.  True it has the Hackney Empire and a few other cultural bits and pieces but fuck me is it grim there.  Its best summed up with a pub I saw called the Cock Tavern, and yes I did see many leftie ponces walking down the street and that.  No shit I actually saw someone buy the Tardian (Guardian) newspaper in a mini market on the high street (there was of course no Smiths or Lidls or anything else recogniseable just a load of independent shops).

Ironically all those sandal wearing, stop the war Corby trouser press fanatics made for quite a nice array of Charity shops.  There is a weird Independent one in town, a Sense on the high street as well as a particularly grim Cash Converters and the Salvation's Barmy.  So what did I get for my cash.

Quite a lot of Electroclash to be fair as well as some other weird shit that turned out to be pure gold including a combined cookbook and album on Disko B.
Some highlights so far include.

Farhan or Farxaan Muse Gaari.

 I've no idea who this guy is only that he has a Youtube channel and that he doesn't have a bad voice at all.  I normally despise african music due to highlife, its all jangly guitars and Jesus, true the guys from Awesome tapes From Africa have been redressing this with some stellar releases but I ain't a fan at all.  There is some autotuning which is done well and quite a bit of organ work on the reggaeish tracks here so well worth tracking down if you ever come across his CDs.  Also Gaaaaarry (Fools and Horses)

Death and Vanilla.  To Where the Wild things are.

This is an odd one too.  Imagine a mash up of Warp records fay 60's Library tunesmiths Broadcast and Scarfolk the Hauntology people.  Full on washes of Psychedelic guitar and synth that invoke the former and imagery on the sleeve that reminds me of the latter.  For further information please re read.

Also grabbed a few dvds as well including BTTV music magazine and an episode of slices with Monolake.

Coming home we find that the toy museum in Bethnal Green is having a special show for Smallfilms stuff including some much loved shows such as Bagpuss and the Clangers.  Of course we stopped off to have a butchers and its quite informative there are bits and pieces used to make up Jones the Steam from Ivor the Engine and the Original Bagpuss toys, including Madeleine the doll.  Madeleine is fucking sinister in real life, sort of a mix between a rag doll and a meth casualty.

Get Momma's Gin for her.

Its only a small area but definitely worth a visit if you are in the area and that.

Old geeks.

This is getting beyond a joke, I've spent most of an afternoon working in getting the Bearorbust youtube page into some sort of working order and failing at most steps.  God damn omniaccount my arse this is seriously shite I didn't want a google plus account and I certainly don't one foisted me just because Google can't give them away.

Anyway what I wanted to talk about this week is the end of Eltham branch, our cactus society.  I've posted before about our Christmas party (one of our first posts fact fans) when we still had the late Chris Moore as our treasurer shortly before he passed away.  It all started from a few things such as the terrible snows at the beginning of the year and a switch over of treasurers, meaning that our numbers dropped to an unsustainable level and continued to remain that way for the rest of the year, so much so that this christmas party is more like a wake than a celebration.  The only silver lining is that we will be joining Bromley branch in the new year over at Keston not that it is any easier to get to. 

So for our last ever slide show we were treated to a trip to Madagascar the massive island off of the coast of South Africa, home to lemurs, Chamaeleons but mainly succulents.  The guy doing the talk was a pretty awesome photographer and he was running a small slide show off of some of his spare images as the talk was done via laptop.  Madagascar itself was a revelation, a mix of crashing poverty and habitat destruciton combined with some startling endemic species.  He had a few shots of the aforementioned Lemurs and Chamaeleons creatures along with Baobab and Giraffe Weevils the beetle equivalent of a construction crane. What we came for were the succulents, and Madagascar doesn't disappoint.  They have a few species of Baobab, thick of trunk like some redwood sized bottle replete with stick nest branches and cannonball fruit, Alluaudia with its spiny trunk and  its graftable onto various species of cacti as its a distant relative.  There were also various euphorbias and Pachypodiums as the countryside changed from the (depleted) rainforests of the north to the dry arid areas of the south, via the mountain lands in the middle. Most odd of all there is a solitary species of cactus, a Rhipsalis that is the only endemic cactus to be outside the new world.  Its unknown how it reached there but Phil Maxwell thinks it could be a hold out from Cretaceous times from when Madagascar was part of the super continent Gondwana.

Its a fitting end to Eltham in that we held out so long but are now (soon to be) extinct.

Drummer Lee.

Untill yesterday, I hadn't really paid much attention to the whole Woolwich terrorist thing.  True I've seen bits and pieces on the news and in the papers, and even watched clips of  the two suspects being shot on line, but what I hadn't done was take a trip up there and see the site where it all happened. 

Yesterday I decided to take a trip up to the Meridian bootsale and en route stop off and look at all the floral tributes laid out.  Its actually really heartbreaking and poignant to see everyones tributes, most are where you would expect them to be (where he died at the junction of Rectory Road and John Wilson Street) but there was also more outside the Army Barracks as well.

As well as poems and messages there were a few Man U shirts (which I didn't like as I support Liverpool) as well as massive amount of flowers and a action man.  Reading various tributes from army personnel, islamic leaders and concerned members of the public it shows just how heartfelt this was and such a shock that this happened.   There were a few people with me also looking as well as a healthy police presence too (supposedly there would be a BNP march from the barracks but Scotland Yard prevented it from going ahead) just in case something happened. 

The bootsale wasn't so bad, with the fair amount of chinese selling electrical stuff including what looked like an analogue synth of some description and a big Concertmate toy organ (both of which I'd have snapped up if I wasn't walking home).  We got a PS2 game Strikers 45 1+2 from Play it (Psikyo) and some good records including
Bravo Free on Quark Records,
Adriano Celetano prisencolinensinainciusol
Jay Mondi Take me away (cover of Bridget Grace / Pin up Girls classic)
and Nicolette O Si Ne Ne on the excellent Shut up and dance records label.

Finally I'll leave you with this leaflet I picked up recently which seems to sum up everyones feelings perfectly.

R.I.P Lee.

Farewell Old Friend

Before I start on this weeks topic here is a sentence I never thought I would say, I actually agree with a Liz Jones column.  Specifically this one on Red Nose Day.  Though we may share different ideas about this, (she finds it inherently patronising and borderline racist whereas I just find it to be overpromoted, cynical and promotes an involuntary give us your fucking money culture rather than leaving it voluntary).  Africas main problem is and will always be corruption, and I would rather pay for items in a charity shop or put small change into one of these than "do something funny for money" see also children in need as well.

This is of course not what I wanted to talk about, but rather the slow decline and demise of my old PC.  Bought back in 2003 for a grand along with my first digital camera (also fucked)and Printer thrown in (ditto) and was home to our first Dial Up internet connection (to AOL of all places, now cancelled).

It had a lot wrong with it in the end, starting with it not being able to play DVDs properly, having virtual memory problems, adding a Zonealarm firewall introduced a host of problems and corrupted a lot of things  prompting an upgrade to a vista pc.. It lost a USB port due to the clumsy git installing my broadband, before  it was relegated upstairs, offline and out of sight pressed into service to print the odd document or emulation fun. 

Its final decline was announced by finding an old XP machine chucked out at work, slightly better processor and with a flat screen to boot.  We took it home and cleared some hideous cyberpatrol rubbish off it and a load of Turkish MP3s.  It was then that my old machines fate was sealed,  I spent half a day off taking it apart keeping various bits and pieces (mouse and keyboard as well as a kettle lead for my new monitor) and reserving my old HD before it went to the tip.

Here are a few pictures I shot to say goodbye.

DVD, CDR, and Floppy are your choice of drive.

They tied a knot in our power lead!

Groovy carpet check, Extra gubbins check.

On board Video by NVidia.

256MB of DDR RAM.

Honey guide not Honeyguides.

Hello lone viewer, are you blessed with a sweet tooth, do you like honey and books written by Nigerians. 
 You do!, wow then we have a treat for you.  Thrown out at work along with some Nollywood films is a small book all about honey and how it can cure problems.  Settle down with some bread and honey (possibly in your parlour) and lets begin.

The book in question is 50 ways of using honey. Honey can cure your sickness by Sesan Adewusi.

The first parts are about spiritual matters, which is close to the hearts and minds of your everyday denizen of Lagos.  Don't mind me as a faithless westerner, that we'll mercilessly take the piss at this juncture.

"Bee is an insect that god loves so much that he blessed human beings with it in order to use it for treatment and healing of any ailment/sickness."
So if you're feeling ill eat a bee, but watch out for stings. He continues.

"For reference purpose (sic), Check Quran 16 verse 68-69.  God created woman to rule the land (wrong ED).  God created an insect, he called its name Bee, he ordered it to live in the hole of trees and inside the rock with the authority of healing.
So allah created a bee and told it to live in a trees and healing rocks so far so good.  We have a quran handy, and we'll quote Sura 16 verse 68-69 in its entirety.

"And your Lord inspired to the bee, Take for yourself among the mountains, houses (beehives) and among the trees and in that which they construct.
Then eat from all the fruits and follow the ways of your lord laid down for you.  There emerges from their bellies a drink, varying in colours, in which there is healing for people.  Indeed in that is a sign for a people who give thought.
So there you go, much more detailed in its breakdown, involving bees who can make curative drinks in their stomachs by eating fruit. Hopefully that isn't mead, although as a weird correlation the previous verse talks about grapes and palm fruit used to make booze!.  Anyway, we'll further quote from the honey book.

"If one takes a look at the Quran, one will know about the secrets of honey and how the prophet  Mohammed (S.A.W) made use of it effectively.
We use PBUH rather than S.A.W, after the Prophet Muhammad in English but will obviously have to use random Aphex Twin albums now seeing as he started it.

Onto regular Christinanity and yeah it doesn't get any better here, as we'll see in this quote.


"Another story revealed to us that god invited all the animals, Phytons, Birds and other creatures living in the bush for a meeting one day. All of them were in attendance but he noted that bee was absent.  Without much ado, god sent one angel to go and call bee to attend the important meeting.  Eventually, bee came to that meeting and god asked why did it hide itself in the back.  Bee responded that it cannot stand in front of where all powerfull animals like horse, elephant and other big creature can step on it and kill it.

We don't know what Phytons are, luckily Wikipaedia does, and they seem to be one of the minor gods from the Greyhawk D+D campaign.

"Phyton
Phyton was once like most other nature deities, but now represents man's dominance over nature, which pits him and his followers against druids, other nature gods, and others who would protect the wild from mankind's depredations".
Not bad for a mispelled Python.

Anyway, enough of matters spiritual and onto actual cures and we use this in the broadest sense of the word.
We'll give you 5 uses for honey before ending this megapost.

5. To draw customers to your shop.
Buy a big bottle of honey at the step door of the shop and cover it with sand.
(People will come to see what this nutter is doing burying perfectly good honey, and what is a step door anyway, I'm guessing doorstep).

6. Asthma Cough.
Get a quantity of snail water (omi igibin) add some quality honey to it, mix together and take one tablespoonful morning. Afternoon and night.
(Sadly looking for snail water on google just diverts us to other honey blogs in yoruba or general molluscicides, hopefully its linked to this old recipie in english to treat venereal disease.)

29. Low Sperm count.
 Any man that is having watery sperm or low sperm count can never impregnate any woman.  That is why some women remain barren for life.  Some men believe that the faults are from their wives when they fails to be pregnant, not knowing that the fault may be from them.  I want to help those who are in this problem.  Go to the market where they are selling herbs and leaves and buy egbo ogbolo, cut it into pieces, put them in a big bottle and put water. Allow it to ferment for three days.  Always take one glass cup with one tablespoonful of honey every day.

On a related topic. This.

5.FOR GOOD ERECTION : Slice three big onions add small water then cock for 10-15 minutes when the onion is soft, extract the juice, mix with honey of the same quantity, then cook again for 5-10 minutes. Then store it in a bottle when it cools 2-3 spoons in the morning and evening after meal.

(Until onion is soft and cock is hard presumably.)


37. Eating In The Dream
Eating in the dream is bad because it can lead to serious sickness and can eventually cause early death.  To treat this, get a quantity of palm kernel oil (i.e adi-eyan) with honey.  Mix them together and take one tablespoonful in the morning and night.  This will enable you to vomit whatever you have eaten in the dream.  Take the same measurement both in the afternoon and night, This will enable you to excrete whatever you have eaten in the dream.
('()') not a clue.


Finally, this is a baffling way to cure impotence, oh and seems to be the source of snail water.


48. Impotence.


This is specially for men who cannot perform sexually.  Our fore fathers discovered that the combination of snail water with pure natural honey has the power to stimulate the promotion of sex hormones in men.
Preparation:

Get a big snail, break it and put it in a plastic plate, pour a quantity of honey to it and leave it  till the following day when you will be taking two tablespoonful in the morning and night use the preparation for ten days before you throw away  the snail and do another preparation.


Two words Cheap Viagara.
Peace out.