Sylvia's Sainthood

Miracle Worker.

The Vatican Holy See has revealed today that popular porn star Silvia Saint is one step from beatification, thanks to an unlikely miracle.

The miracle in question happened to Owen Jones, 33 a part time firefighter from Cardiff in Wales, who was watching one of her videos at home when he felt his old man begin to rise from the dead.

I'd been off work because of the depression and that and I popped on the video as I knew the missus was out down the bingo and that, and I couldn't believe it when, my old man began to stiffen and rise from the dead.  I knew I had to call the Vatican right there as that's a bloody miracle that was.  Owen who also suffers bad eyesight due to excessive masturbation, called his local bishop, Jonathan Thomas of St David's Church to authenticate the "reserection" of his old man.

I've no doubt that watching Silvia take it hard up the arse by a guy with a dubious moustache, caused this miracle to take place, though to be honest it did nothing for me.  I tried conventional praying for his Percy to revive without success, but it seems the good Lord was listening after all.  I put in the request to the office as he's such a lovely guy and this will do wonders for his life and that.

Owen's partner Sarah 29, and daughter April 1, are both supportive of the whole thing.
We think its wonderful what she did for him, as thanks to the depression and with me putting on weight after the baby and that, I thought he'd lost all interest, but now thanks to her he's got a boner for like, the first time in ages and ages, I can't stop him he's like a different man.

When we contacted the Vatican office they said they couldn't comment on individual cases.