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Friday, 26 December 2014

Acieed: Silver Boxing Day Review.

We did of course forget something from yesterdays round up review and that was Baggage Battles, which is sort of like a lost luggage based Storage Wars spin off / Rip off but with likeable people. I'll endeavour to do parts 3 and 4 tomorrow and Sunday, though it'll mostly be about video clips of the year and stuff forgotten from both previous posts, I know my limits.

Commercial Stuff of the year. Both Good and Bad.

Katy Perry and some cunt from Three Six Mafia, Dark Horse.

Do you wanna play with madness.
Do you know what you're fighting for.
Do you wanna dare to do this.
Cos I'm coming atcha like I'm HARDCORRRE.

Those of course aren't the words to the semi disappointing song from Katy Perry and Juicy J. Which in my ears at least should sound like the linked version i.e. coasting around 180 BPM.  What you have is something that is neither fish nor fowl and is of course ruined by Juicy J rapping like a twat. If you have to rap so bad on it you've lost

Jeremih and another sub par rapper. Don't Tell Em (Pike)

Rhythm is a dancer I need a companion.

Why are Snap and Corona such heroes to these new school yank EDM groups. Haven't they heard the majesty that is Rozalla or Technotronic.  The soaring peaks of musical perfection that are Los Del Rio and Whigfield.  I'll stop there before my pisstaking gland blows.  Its got a decent enough slow loop that is begging for a massive kick drum to be played behind this but instead gets the usual insipid R+B perc loop it got instead.

Anaconda Nicky Minaj.

Oh fuck no, this is a bad re edit of Sir Mix A Lot classic Baby Got Back.  Its adds asinine lyrics from Nicky and her usual annoying vocal tricks.  Fucking appaling need I say more.

Ten Walls. Walking With Elephants.

This wasn't so bad if it didn't rip off an existing Deep House track and I can't think who its by, now but literally all it adds is the ''brass'' bits, still its awesome as it was the best thing on Kiss by miles and as a consequence, never, ever played.  As a side note the brass bits in this are from a Yamaha DX7 preset, I know this due to messing around with the excellent VST emulation of it called Dexed.  Due to them having all original presets added in, its on the original under Brass.

Shake Me Off Taylor Swift.

Or rather Shake It Off Taylor Swift, she would never of course do that unless there was a song in it for her.
This is included here because well its just so generic, another lost love song, and that there is one line in it and it goes.

When you could be getting down to this,  you could be listening to this sick beat.  Or something. The beat in this is the most milquetoast, white bread, boring, made in five minutes FL Studio junk imaginable.  Its not sick, just eurrgh. You want sick beats listen to Bong Ra.  You want break up songs listen to Taylor Swift.
Incidentally I remember a piece where she was talking in the Metro about being inspired by the music of 1989 and saying how fresh it sounds.  I was foolishly expecting Andreas Gehm, or Steve Poindextder to be producing, for that authentic sound, but no this is who produced it.

Tiesto Wasted.

I liked it better when you're wasted.
I liked it better allllllllll of the time.
When you're passed out on the floor
I can treat you like a whore.
When your wasted.

You used to make excellent techno, see Bleckentrommel from 1997 why do you suck so much ass now.
Just another Avicii or David Guetta, making 3 minute dance that entertains no one.

Neon Jungle Can't Stop The Love.

This is terrible, just terrible, they had a competition on Kiss to remix this and put up 2.5GB  of various stems to load into the DAW of your choice.  I hate stems, would rather wav. samples so you can mix and arrange stuff differently. Even worse you have a 3.10 minute track, and they use a bit of a beat that is only used once so you have to download a 50 Meg file that could easily be just a few k as a sample.  The song is appalling we can all get along sub par nonsense and I remember them saying that they wanted it to go a bit ''Grimey".  Needless to say I have an unfinished gabber remix on my HD and I'm not going to win any competitions with that.

Aphex Twin Syro.

Sad to see such a come down for my favourite ever artist.  I have only listened to this once and the tracks are meandery, electro / freestylish grooves.  Only Aisatsana is the piano track, that could be a Drukqs off cut is any good and the bonus Japanese Issue track.  On the other hand RDJ seems to have come out of hibernation, and added two big interviews with Q magazine and the one I had up on Robots Nunca Visto (sadly pulled along with his soundcloud). Which was sad as it went into great depth.  He buried the remains of his dead DX7 in the back yard at Lanner, and sold presets as Sysex data from it in the back of Audio magazines, are the two bits I can find oh and if anyone has that stuff around and would like to make a patch of them that would be cool.

Non Commercial Stuff  Any My real picks of the Year.

Phonic Boy On Drugs. Part of the nixed AFX soundcloud.  It was some really old stuff on tape made with a Cheetah Drum Machine and stuff, proper mental electro cut from a time before Aphex, don't know if this is archived anywhere, if not I have a download of this ripped from soundcloud.  Oh and the old Caustic Window album mentioned in Trance Europe Express has been released thanks to the efforts of the WATTM crowd and a successful Kickstarter appeal, predictably its now up on youtube as a whole album, but Muttley, Cunt, and Flutey are my favourites from the whole lot.

John Heckle Cactus Jack.

Jaw Dropping acid techno jam, heard it yesterday on the increasingly Memphis Rap orientated Intergalactic FM. It wouldn't be a 303 post special without acid.

Lobster Theremin Label.

This is what I'm sure I heard last time I was at Phonica's uptown, but was too shy to ask what it was.  Monster old school house / acid groove tracks are the order of the day but if it isn't that, then what is the label that looks like an Egyptian god on a white label from a distance.  All of this is so cool so all you old schoolers be sure to snap this up.

Finally Perseus Traxx split.

This is a unlistened Christmas present, and I've literally listened to snips from Clone.NL but this is a evil 4 tracker on Contort Yourself.  Primitve acid tracks from Perseus Traxx, Pankow with a mix from Helena Hauff and a killer opening track from Parrish Smith.  Fiddling with the contents just now to confirm my faulty memory, I've pulled out some typewritten instructions that make no sense at all but seem closely relevant.

Edit listening to this now a few hours later and its the fucking bomb, dark slow mo acid from Parrish and Helena Hauff's remix is really good.  The other side can wait to tomorrow as there's two originals from Pankow.

Oh and to bring this to a halt IFM are counting down the top 100 tracks of the year as voted by IFM listeners. There's a lot of Italo Disco as well as a few surprises.

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