Captain Marvel

Never really read comics as a kid, not the sort you'd turn into a movie franchise. With the exception of X-files magazine my comic readership like a lot of Brit kids from the 80's was limited to the Dandy and the Beano.  So the whole american comics such as Spiderman and the X-men were limited to Cartoons we saw on TV. Such as that one with Iceman and Fivestar Firestar or video games such as Marvel Vs Capcom. Even now I wonder why Tony Stark never had his massive fuck off proton cannon like in the titular 1vs1 fighter from 2000.

I don't mind the whole Marvel MCU series of movies, and the original Deadpool remains a fave even though, I never read anything about them back in the day.  So despite having found a pirate DVD of Captain Marvel, we finally settled down to watch it on Sky on Thursday.  It didn't help matters that I watched a ton of content from the anti diversity crowd that Captain Marvel was a garbage movie, and that she was an overpowered Mary Sue, and its not for me.

Turns out that they were half right. There's spoilers below so go ahead if you want it ruined for you.

Brie Larson

Its an average movie, not helped by the fact that I wasn't playing attention for the first part. I started taking notice when Nick Fury broke into Cheyenne Mountain from Stargate SG1, I know its supposed to be a secret base, the sort Mulder's Dad stowed things away in, in the first season of the X files but damn, looks like they broke into Stargate Command,

Brie Larson (is that even right?) can fire energy bolts from her hands and has a suppressor on the back of her neck. Which she uses to kill an defenceless Streetfighter II turbo arcade cab in some backwoods pub. When toward the end and she is aboard the Kree ship cloaked in orbit there is a Centipede cab and a Space Invaders Pin table by Bally along with some Skrull illegals, she gets it taken off in a fight with the bad dudes.

This means she can turn into a punk and fly and not worry about the effects of re-entry. Oh and shoot energy bolts from her hands like Tony Starks super from Marvel Vs Capcom.

Joking aside there are some good bits such as a younger Phil Coulson with hair starting out in S.H.I.E.L.D. a cat called Goose, and a horrible old scientist who looks like Hilary Clinton who dies in a plane crash.

I know I should do a big serious review but this wasn't bastard awful (Will Ferrell as Sherlock Holmes level garbage.)  It just wasn't good. Bree Lawnchair in a Nine Inch Nails top, Brie Lawson montage being told she will never amount to anything before coming back from a pasting with the Kree.  I guess it captures America Mid 90's but to me that whole scene really required Tubthumping by Chumbawumba to set it off. 

Further audio delights include TLC, Gwen Stefani and Courtney Loves Hole as an outro track. All  I wanted was a bit of FSOL on the sound track or Prodigy.  I guess if Captain Britain ever did a sort of equivalent in the UK. Or cap Marvel U.K. edition, where she lives in a squat and goes on a criminal Justice bill march, or heads out to an illegal rave in the countryside. That I would fucking watch.

In the end its merely sub par, rather than terribad, even if Fury loses his eye to a right hook from a tentacle beast cat.