Missed and Flipped, Cactus edition

Can't think of any shows I had missed out on this year that I didn't cover except the usual ones, Endeavour and The Durrells which is my pick every year. Likewise music which I get to hear less and less commercial stuff each year.  Awful Kiss stuff aside, Dua Lipa or Jax Jones Instruction or whatever they call themselves, total bollocks by the way.

No my missed and flipped bit this year is a follow up to the Mail's Cactus article with a bit about Topshop, as they had a stall with some cacti for sale in their Oxford St branch.  This was due to me not having a mooch uptown to verify what they were on about then.

It's Barry the Cactus for those who are curious about what it's all in aid of.  A small stall halfway in the ground floor of Top Shop, Oxford Street.  There is said to be a counterpart in Selfridges, as well but as this comes from their main site its unconfirmed if it's real or not.

So what do you get.

A few basic species in fancy pots for £10, to be fair mind, if you are after some designery pieces for interiors or a modern flat, and you don't mind a pot without a whole in the base, then its not bad.  Bear in mind that the site itself uses old names like Vatricana and Notocactus, but this is far from bad.

They also do keychains with tiny, doomed seedlings in and a small bottle of Cactus food for about £5 each, I would steer clear of these and get some tomato fertilizer from your local garden centre which is much cheaper and comes in a bigger bottle, 

I got a small Mammilaria with the last of a gift card and some cash.  I know how to grow cacti already, but picked up their tip card after all.

Here are my general cactus tips if you wish to grow along with me.

Give em a lot of light, they come from a really sunny areas, so a south facing window sill is best or if you have a greenhouse, conservatory.  Bottom line, find the brightest spot and stick them there.

Watering. If its Spring and Summer, water weekly and feed monthly. If its autumn ease off watering at the end of  September. If its Winter don't, for further information please re read.

Heat.  A good half of the species will tolerate 5 F provided they are kept dry,  this increases to 3/4 if you can guarantee 10F.

Substrate.  You'll need a gritty soil that is free draining, if you'll be potting on.  You want a pot the next size up and a loop of newspaper to fix around the plant to pull it out and generally handle.

Use John Innes compost with extra grit.  We sometimes use Cat Litter (the non clumping type) for really water intolerant species.

And that is it.

Last of Last Christmas

Its been an odd year for Music in general, boxing day being the traditional day we hold our autopsy on all things good, bad and ugly music wise.

We cover stuff new this year as well as things new to us, so lets get on with the good.

Chris Carter Chemistry Lessons 1.

Part of Chris and Cosey, which is in turn one half of Throbbing Gristle, I got this in September after an indifferent break away.  Its a good mix of modular sketches and sounds from long ago to present day.  Worth a listen for any synth head.

Aphex Twin. Collapse EP.

We saw the actual posters up on Elephant and Castle tube, and the EP while great, Is overshadowed by the whole pop up shop thing, where you could by the bears from Donkey Rhubarb and an umbrella styled on the ones in Windowlicker EP.  All very nice but the video to T69 Collapse is possibly the best thing all year and harks back to the old IDM days.

Ceephax Acid Krew.  Fossil Funk Piano Mix

Another great video this and a stellar track to go with it as well.  With his cat Byron spinning around on an office chair and shouts out high street shops, in other words the typical Ceephax style.

Ramz Barking.

A half track for me with the acapella showing up on Youtube, I normally hate grime, with a passion so its nice to see a track that isn't terrible or not entirely so.  True its not my thing, but its not terrible and you can alter the lyrics to say I'm Barking, She's Barking.

Billie Humphrey. Black and Blues.

70's jazz that sounds like it should have come out on Ninja Tune and the like back in the day, don't know if any of the tracks were played on Solid Steel but its definitely something that crowd would enjoy.

Fabric 100,

The final ever metal tin box edition of the track goes out with a 3 CD set from Craig Richards Terry Francis and Keith Reilly.  You know what to expect, techno and some deep house mixed well.
A fitting end.

Larry Heard Cerebral Hemispheres.

Mr Fingers himself returns to form with some brilliant acid a collaboration with Paul St Hilaire from Rhythm and Stealth's Dub Techno and a stunning 12 with mixes which are the dogs bollocks,  Most definitely my track of the year.

BAD STUFF.

My bad stuff is not so much this year with few terrible things, for once I'm not at work to hear Kiss Breakfast so that is in itself a blessing.

Maroon 5 Cardi Gan B

This is a half awful track, I hate Maroon 5 and Cardi B seems to be the Budgens Nicki Minaj, which  no one ever asked for.  The song isn't so bad and if you can get the instrumental version off of Youtube there is some not terrible guitar work which is saying something from me who usually hates guitar.  The worst thing is every time I've tried to edit it, I make it worse, want to make this stripped back as fuck, literally like the acoustic guitar clicking away and not much else.

Clean Bandit With Selena Gomez Woof Woof Woof or whatever its called.

Its garbage and I can't stop singing along to the chorus, woof woof woof indeed.

Last Christmas

Hello this is the annual television round up of the year, a mix of hell and heaven and in the wider context of it all, a few words before going in.

A lot of things shut up shop this year.  Fabric discontinued their metal box compilations (more tomorrow) Solid steel closed after 30 years, Mark Kermodes' film review channel is now mothballed and A Dose of Buckley my near namesake on YT posted its last worst off before signing off. Oh and Terra Battle shut down its European wing and I can't be bothered to download the APK and make a US account.

So you'll need some good TV to give you a lift.

Christmas Tapes at The BBC.

The best laugh I've had on the BBC in ages.  They were sort of the precursor to Youtube Poop and a blooper reel, if you've ever seen the Rainbow twangers sketch, complete with ebaumsworld logo plastered over it, this is were it originates (well LWT really.)

Sentence mixing, nerdy clips, shots at management and a Dalek that says bollocks, something that could have been easily shown on BBC 2 instead of  BBC 4.

Dynasties.

A long form look at an animal in its environment, includes Chimps, Tiger, Wild Dog and Penguins.  Worth it just to see them struggle day to day, oh and scientists carving steps for penguins so they don't freeze.

The Undiscovered Kenneth Williams.

Victor Lewis Smith's masterful look at our Ken and bringing out some rare and unbroadcast material from the really quite unhappy bunny.  Not a lot from Carry on, but plenty from his diaries and a few college clips.  Also The Undiscovered Peter Sellers and a Stanley Baxter one to come.

Manson The Lost Tapes.

A look at Sharon Tate and the La Bianca murders, with generous helpings of home film shot by his extended family of onlookers.  Quite creepy in places, it boils down to Sex, Drugs and Mind Control. oh and Mansons shitty rock put out by one of the Beach Boys.  Stand out Yewtree revelation is that Manson had butt sex with a 14 year old.  So a massive nonce as well as mass murderer by proxy.
Possibly not on Youtube but if you see it for download any where then grab it.  Also as its ITV and hippies, there's quite a lot of tit and bum as well as willies too.

Digitiser The Show.

We'll add this here as its quite possibly the best thing, I've on the platform in ages.  It has Chris Gannon which I like, as well as Mr Biffo himself, his  rival as they bring to life the teletext series, into some fever dream of a show,  There are all the characters you remember, Mr T and his bins, The Mans Daddy, Chart Cat and Zombie Dave. There is always something in every show that will crack me up, whether it being lobbed up in a minute, Rampage remakes, or just the fact that it feels like a show from the 90's TV but from some obscure channel (ITV brown) at an odd time.

Vic and Bobs Big Night Out.

Forgot to add this thougn I still have to watch half of the episodes.  So far I've seen the man with the long stick, George Ezra and a heater fire, ghost busters and Mulligan and O'Hare.  No one spoiled their view mind, which was all right.

Miranda awards for TV hell.

Not a lot here that sticks out here in my mind.  There was the John Le Carre Remake that felt like a long good punch up, no for my award this year its the Cheddar Man Documentary that is total bollocks. Oh and a mixed bag Dr Who.

Cheddar Man is the blackest Briton ever recovered from Cheddar Gorge.  A blue eyed Thuderf00t look a like with burnt cork skin, blue eyes and weird skin.  I have no doubt in the genetics of  Cheddar Man, apparently he came originally from what is now Spain, but the show itself was a mess.  Also can remember the article in New Scientist pouring cold water on the genetic theory of colour.  I don't care if he's black to be honest its a shit documentary at best.

Edit. Dr Who goes here as well, not because it's terrible, in fact I liked Demons of The Punjab and the Rosa Parks episode despite what sounds like that whore Paloma Faith giving it a US ending (we shall overcome surely), nor is it the Dr Herself now.  I've grown on Jodie Whittaker, and knew they'd do her proud thanks to Missy as a female Master.  No its the return of politics which is bollocks as usual.  The spider episode with Not Trump as president shooting a big spider in homage to Resident Evil.  Or the Pkunk or whatever it was eating a medi ship alive, terrible episodes.  Which means that good episodes like the parallel world one with the Frog as ruler was few and far between,

Oh yeah them mentioning Raze and them playing shitty grime can do one as well.

All we want for Xmas is Cactus.

The mail has been at it again with some dreadful copy by Sarah Rainey about cacti and Millennials.   Specifically a few lines about popularity and that, saying that they're not cheap and a few lies about flowering and toxicity.

They do talk to a few people from our side including Eddy Harris (really enjoyed his articles on Mesembs in the journal) and the people from Cactusland a.k.a Southfield Nurseries (we have a leaflet knocking around of theirs indoors).  They also mention Monty Don as being a fan as well as failed abortions Smiley Virus, whacko Jacko's Daughter and Cara Monobrow as being fans, which I can find fuck all about, outside this article.

There is the usual cliche of them being desert plants, when from numerous talks I've been to, have seen them in various dry environments from roadside banks, pine woods, lurking in dense scrub to mountains covered in snow and rolling plains.

They cover a few species here which is nice. They name drop Blossfeldia Liliputana, a weird loner of a species that is the smallest cactus in the world, Kinda lump Welwitschia in with the greater Cactaceae (its not, though it is part of the complex that has Ephedra  in it), its long lived and has only one pair of leaves its entire life.  They also think a Haageocereus is worth £200,000 (mine cost a £1 though that's Decumbens and not the endangered Tenuis, still not a looker mind).  Oh and they seem to think that the glochids of Cylindropuntia Fulgida are poisonous, rather than highlight their strange fruiting arrangement (short version they will throw out a bud on last years fruit).  She gets brownie points for pointing out that they have juice in their fruits as well, which is also akin to beetroot in its ability to stain everything.

There is a run down of species which I'll add here, paraphrased to fuck.

(c) Joyce Coccozza

 Echeveria.  A genus of 180 species (I don't have the lexicon here to check its probably right.)  Used in floral clocks, rock gardens and bridal displays.  Can be propagated from stray leaves (some species only).  Part of the Crassulaceae.

This is from a trip to Kew.

Sanseveria. Mother in Laws tongue, supposedly tough but I managed to kill mine so would tolerate a bit of heat.  Flowers look like a bog brush.  Worth £20 or so, but you do see these at boot sales along with Aloes so worth keeping a look out there.  Succulent, still not a cactus.

Pinya De Rosa

Opuntia.  Can be a bastard to flower in the UK, though if it does its worth it,  Better known as prickly pears or Cholla to some, split into a few different families now.  All of them evil spined.
Finally a proper cactus.

They don't flower here.

Euphorbia.  Poisonous as hell, with an irritant milky sap and a variety of shapes and sizes.  Includes the popular architectural plant, you see in photo shoots and lifestyle supplements, stuck on a wall way out of any direct sunlight, its no wonder it doesn't flower.  Pro tip, if it has two spines coming directly from the main stem, sort of at a right angle, with no central spine and ring of smaller spines its a Euphorbia.  Not a cactus but looks like one, flowers can be unimpressive.

You all know this.

Finally Schlumbergera. The crab or Christmas cactus.  You will have seen these on sale in shops now its Christmas time.  I don't need to add much, except that there is a Schlumberger House near Gatwick Airport, which is nothing to do with the plant, and everything to do with oil mines (genuinely didn't know that).
Oh and yes its a cactus,

The shape of water review.

Its an odd one this as I've only half watched it (playing a game while listening, if you must know) but there is something I don't like about the Shape of Water.  I guess its the obvious 60's setting of deep south Murica but its the same sort of thing that spoiled the Rosa Parks episode of Dr Who, that there is no real connection outside of America and the villain isn't sympathetic, being a one note, racist misogynist cunt.  Racism's bad mmkay.

Oh there's positives,  like them having our duck shoe brush which is neat, and the soy boy living with all the cats and watching musicals on TV and Sally Phillips as a literal dumb broad getting naked and jack off in the tub. 

But its the heavy handed propaganda that wears it down.  I know 60's America was a racially divided place and that the cold war was at its height, but it sucks.  The main bad guy is just a caricature, a bigoted southern boy preacher army dude who is literally a cunt to all and sundry.  We're supposed to sympathise with the monster I know, but once the cleaning team break it out of the facility to fuck it senseless underwater I kinda lost all hope for it.  That and it eating soyboy's cat, if it did that to one of mine it would literally get a shotgun to the face misunderstood or not.

Which brings me to another thing that kept me awake last night, almonds activated, and such.  I heard it said that it looked like the Merman Rikuo from neglected Capcom beat em up Darkstalkers and yeah it does remind me a bit, of him, but like I said before I woke up middle of the night and I could only think of one thing.  She's fucking a Mirelurk.

Or more specifically the Mirelurk King from Fallout 3, this is not your amazonian God, you treat with respect.  This is  the bastard you waste all your ammo on before you run out and it kills you.  Mirelurks are utter bastards, armoured bastards at that, but these take the cake.  And that's what killed it for me.  For all the inter species sex underwater, and cliched, one note villains, its this that finally did for me. 

Final Score 12 bottlecaps / 100

9 years.

Finally through with scanning in all of my aunts photos,we collected up when we cleared her place out last year.  I have a bunch on my hard drive ready to edit and cut to size, but for now scanning is done.  I still have all of our photos to do and whatever, is on those 8 mil films we had over the years but all our slides and my aunts photos are done now.

Sad news is that we lost my uncle in the week, he'd been ill for ages and my mum n dad are going down to my other aunt's place to help out.  I have work and am definitely not invited although I do have leave left which is galling.   At least I have a bunch of photos to send down.

And finally its 9 years since I started this blog, even though I've fuck all plans for next year when it reaches 10 years.  I hope to still do this as far as I can.

Oh and I finished the secret of the old mill and am typing up the original version as I can't find the original text online.

Secret of the old mill post script.

This is sort of a follow up to last weeks post and yesterdays subsequent re edit of said post, about the original editions of the Hardy Boys detective series. 

I've decided to have a look and see if there are any pdfs or ebooks for download, and it seems that there are, sort of.  There are places where you can get the whole series or so as PDF files these are the late 50's reprints and are a good place to start.  I will warn you though that they seem  to have been formatted by an actual ape, such is the poor job they've done with it.  Chapter headings occurring throughout the story and some weird formatting makes it a chore to read. 

Worse some of the original stories are missing, this includes the original Secret of the Old mill, so it looks like I'm forced to type out a version from my own copy, and that's not getting me stated on tracking down the original version either via Amazon or EBay.

Looking at copyright here it seems to be a cluster fuck of differing lengths depending entirely on locale.  It covers ghost written works too so these books are totally covered.  Its 70 years here and 90 in the US, meaning nothing ever goes out of copyright, ever.  Which means depending on what version you have it maybe out of copyright or within the next 20 - 200 or so years.

In other words the:

*Short version if you're US based an would like a massive touch typing exercise and have access to a lot of Hardy Boys book including the original versions, then you could take on this exercise in futility and put a good quality copy out there for us.

*Long version is the Byuu option.  I track down and buy any of the original versions I can get, or at least will ship to us here in the UK.  Clean up the formatting of the PDF. files of what I have and then transcribe them out word for word in Libreoffice and host them somewhere for people  to download.  I have all the European releases and a few of the American releases too. 

*The other, other option is to grab the ebook files which is also going to be expensive, and is at the whims of the originals being deleted at any time. That is of course the worst ever option as I hate digital only, propriety media.

Comment below if you think this is a worthwile endeavour, or even a fools errand.