Flickering Torches

 Here is a three way split DL and review of The Flickering Torch mystery. For those not in the know, this is one of those Hardy boys stories that got a full on revised edition, totally different from the original.

Here in the UK we just got a condensed edit of the original and the new version was ignored entirely. A fitting end as its not very good.

Original.

The original and UK version revolve around thefts of silkworms from Asa Grable's experimental farm out in the wilds of the Bayport countryside. There is a parallel story about Fenton Hardy looking into thefts of supplies from road construction jobs and that. Gee could they be tied in.

The story is a good one, the experimental farm, which looks into future farming methods such as growing hydroponically (soilless mediums) and using horses to get around. Down to the pay off and spoiler whatever Cobalastrum is (I'm guessing some sort of rare earth) the gang are digging up under Widow Trumper's property.

It all sounds feasible and relatable in this day and age so why it got such a bad remake version is anyones guess.

African Lily. 

A minor thing from this, This plant with the vile scented pollen is not African and not a lily. So what is it?

My guess is some sort of Amorphophallus species. AKA Titan Arum. It's not a lily, it's not African and it smells bad. Plus it's also huge and rare. 

Asa Grable and his "assistant" Archibald

I know this is a horrible modern take on this, but, reading between the lines, these two have to be a couple of poofs right. They come across as a couple in the story. Archie deeply cares for his boss, if you read right, whether that crosses the line into a full on relationship is never expressed, but feels like it is.

Anyway Original and condensed UK version is available here and here

Remake

This version is along with the Flying Express one is one of the worse of the two modern Hardy boys mysteries. 

Want to know how bad? The boys form a folk rock band and as the youth say its cringe. 

Does anyone remember the Harry Enfield bit where he says I like that, its got a good beat, style of patronizing condescension. It's this all  the way through. And where as the original were lights from the road crew used to signal. The Flickering torch in the remake is either a youth club or an oil rig.

The band is as follows, if you care: 

Frank Rhythm guitar

Joe     Lead guitar

Biff    Bass guitar

Tony Prito Drums

Phil Cohen Organ

Chet Morton is not part of the band, as, although it would totally be canon him learning an instrument. He is of course building a plane. That's right, a plane in his back yard.

Of course its all connected the club is used as a front for peddling radioactive material and the junk yard, where the boys and Chet visit is also a front too.

If you want to know more, then you can read it here.

Review of 2021 pt3.

 So for the final part of the round up of the year. You know the deal, it's all the stuff I've forgotten over the past two posts and its also any books, films, online vids or games which I can shoehorn in.

Books.

Been going through the Hardy boys back catalogue now, for the past two years. We have Flickering Torch to upload tomorrow. btw. But I've been consistently surprised on how good the original stories are. Where its a sly paeon to mental health in Secret of the Caves to some weird cross dressing Chinese in Footprints under the window. There's been something to give food for thought. 

Also new Jack Reacher, Better off Dead isn't all that sadly, will have to see if it gets better.

Gaming.

Have recently gotten me a cheap Switch lite. It has a Euro Charger and a whopping 128gb card in it. So how I got it so cheap, hell knows. All I can say is, I'm now playing current era games. 

My current 3 faves are. 

Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin. 

Imagine Harvest Moon / Story of Seasons. Now cut down all your crop choices to just growing rice. In obsessive detail. The other half is a platform beat em up, where you wail on various woodland creatures. But it's mainly rice cultivation and talking with the various humans you are exiled on this god forsaken island with.

The best part is the end of year one where everyone brings in the rice harvest and sings a traditional folk song to do so. Spine tingling stuff.

Suikoden: Tsugumareshi no ki. PSP

Konami's last ever Suikoden, on the PSP. It allows you some brief time travel in a select area back 100 years via a magic tree. You cannot leave the area and are reliant on your ancestors to deliver the messages and deliver the tree saplings. Apart from that its good. A good B tier PSP RPG. Makes you wonder what else is on their list.

Cave Story. PSP homebrew.

Had to rebuild my SD card interface as the original cracked and the SD card got corrupted. So this and a few other gems were downloaded. It's been on a few systems, but the PSP version is actually a pretty nice port. Its a platform run n gun style game, where you have to rescue the cute Mimigas and have to stop a bad guy from turning the world to shit. Via berserk red flowers. 

Finally a little Youtube to calm my soul.

The only thing I can recommend is a 40 minute deep dive into Trackers and the MOD community. Seriously fuck Fl studio and the likes. This is still how you make music.

Review of the Year Pt2

 This is our annual round up of what was good part and bad in the year, but part 2. Traditionally focusing on all things TV.

The most depressing thing is that there is hardly any good stuff now its all middle of the road crap. If there is a bunch of adverts in here its because I've got more enjoyment out of these more than anything else, over the year.

First of all the good.

Inspector Dalgleish mysteries Channel 5.

A nice reboot of the P D James mysteries in a style similar to Endeavour but set somewhat later in the mid 70's. Not that woke and with a nice attention to detail. And for once didn't sleep through it.

Vermin Media ad. My old mans a junglist. 

Thanks for reminding me of an era in pirate radio where every cunt, and I mean every cunt wanted to be an MC. Feels like the end of old pirate radio and this is its epitaph. And yeah its on point that his daughter would be a grime MC and not a junglist. 

Marc Jacobs Daisy.

This has a strange vibe almost like an old Chriddof parody, I've been playing Safely remove parasites and their eggs over the music and it works pretty well.

K Dolce and Gabber gabber hey. ad.

Don't care for the ad just tab off and play bring the noise by public enemy and thank me later.

Miranda awards for televisual effluence.

The Watch.

Do you want a woke version of Terry Pratchetts the Nightwatch / Guards Guards. Where half the characters appear for oppression Olympics points. You do, how about we Kill off Detritus the troll after episode 1. Make death look like shit, Vetinari is a woman and fuck it. Memory hole Sergeant Colon and Nobby Nobbs. Cos those stories are all about Colon and Nobbs, and Keel.

Oh and CMOT Dibbler is a fucking cripple. Its shot on a budget of 20p and if that is not bad enough its a fucking mess if you've ever read any of Pratchett's work. Oh and before I forget Commie goblins literally before snuff, and the football one made them.

Review of the Year

 Happy Christmas. If you're a regular, Hah, you'll know what's coming but if you are new this is the time of year where I do a big round up of tracks I've heard that are good and bad. 

First up the good.

Can't say I've heard a lot of stuff that can be classed as good this year. Whereas 2020 kept us out the office, this year its fully distanced hell for you all, so Kiss FM is back on.

Doge Cat (Doja Cat) Wumma (Woman)

Could really do without the rap in this but have been spamming the acapella of this and waiting for someone to do a decent remix. The original isn't bad but its afrobeat so not good.

Justin Bieber Peaches.

It's not bad, but 2010 me still thinks the best thing he's done is get killed on CSI.

Noizu summer 91.

I know you're trying to be an oldskool hardcore track with the Angelo Badalamenti samples like Moby but he never did that gay ass drop back then and its what kills it for me. Listen to DJ Seduction or Manix to see how its done.

Black Madonna We Lost Dancing

I don't care what you call yourself now, this is still the best thing Kiss aired all year. And passable house at that.

Bad

Thanks to the drill explosion on the charts, this year is much worse than ever.

Russ Millions, Tion Wayne and Arr Tard Body.

Drill is probably the worst music that has been invented and perhaps the best example to kids, stay in school and don't listen to this shit. You wonder why kids stab each other. This.

Honourable mention. Arr Tard Oliver Twist and that other track he did that rips of T2 feat Jodie Heartbroken. Both stinkers.

Topic ATB. 9pm Till I Come

No one, needs to have a corny vocal line added to this, its fuck awful and the original wasn't all that either. This is some train wreck update.  On the upside there is a nice guitar cover of this that sounds like Fleetwood Mac.

Runners up. Aya doing glitched out pop on Bandcamp, Anthony Rother adding a free electro album for Xmas also Bandcamp. Ventla's daily synth jams on twitter, which are an utter joy to behold. Seriously dubbed out toys and payphones. Oh and Autechre doing a mix for Sophie just before they 42% themselves taking a selfie, the most Rod Hull thing ever.

 

Round up again.

 Not a lot going on here at the moment. Saw the lights up town yesterday and managed to dodge the antivax cucks that have swallowed up the right as of late. As a bonus finally managed to get secret Santa done. Which as a mindless, soulless robot, hate with a vengeance. 

Also have my third jab to sort out which is going to be problematic, as I normally take a day off to do this but seeing as its Christmas, will have to wangle some after work appointment, which means another dead arm and aches for a few days.

Apart from that its fine.

Nazi Eastenders

 So it looks like 30 years after the main stronghold of fascism in London died off, we're getting new Nazi's in Eastenders of all places.

A word of warning now, I don't watch Eastenders much, anymore. After the pandemic killed it off for a while, I did other things and learned to not waste my time with the soaps. Apparently, the guy in question is the cab drivers son and his sister is dating sister killer and Muslim convert Bobby Beale.

Worse, looking at the few episodes I've seen, he seems to be a massive strawman and the type of racist not seen since the BNP were run out of Welling back in the late 90's.  

I know that railing on woke culture is a thing, in fact one of my favourites. Looking at people push back against activists isn't racist, nor is questioning cancel culture or feminism. Hell even poking back at the science and  SARS 2 Electric Boogaloo even though the right have turned into largely vaccine cucks. 

FYI I'm pro science, abortion and pro vax. I'm also pro shutting the fuck up. If you have a story I do not need to hear it.

Anyway back on track, Eastenders, and apparently the only place in London in the last 30 years that hasn't gotten a mosque is apparently Walford. That's the east end of London where Brick lane is largely Bangladeshi, or taking the 5 bus along from Canning Town to Romford and looking at the amount of Masjids and South Asian owned shops, with only the Hall Churches from the Africans posing a real challenge to the status quo. 

Yeah, that east London.

Because apparently we're in a grip of a Far Right explosion (3 men and a dog, as always). That is the only reason we've gotten a far right candidate, and yeah, he's a right cunt. The sort that beat up cab drivers for being Asian with his fruity little gang of far right fags. 

You know we've suffered 7/7. trucks of peace outside Downing Street, an attack that was repelled by some dude with a Narwhal tusk, and a horrific attack at Streatham, and I'll leave it up to you to guess at who carried out these attacks. 

But you know, we never got the slightest mention of these in the show. not even 30 odd years back when Steve Lawrence and Rolan Adams was killed by the fash. And fuck me, back then it would have been much more on the nose and relevant than making a right wing character some 30 years after the event's took place

In other words, how come, after all these years we get one strawman Nazi on Eastenders and yet at the same time, not one Chinese family or even main character.

 

Acid Anniversary The top ten acid.

 This is according to Computer Music magazine, who coincidentally are celebrating their 303rd issue with all things TB303. They've ceased to be relevant as they've long since deprecated their tracker and demoscene column but as its acid, I've decided to bite the bullet and get a copy.

It's a bit of a strange one this, with it very much on the you will rent and be happy Roland cloud subs model rather than the various devilfish, TT303 clone hardware. 

Props for putting up with Phocyon and Yooz for the acid software, but nothing on Propellerheads Rebirth or Signaldust's Dolphin for freeware.

Now we come to the main track list and its a bit strange to say the least. The official line up is this:

A Guy Called Gerald Voodoo Ray

Josh Wink / Winx Higher State Of Consciousness

Phuture Acid Tracks

Fat Boy Slim Everybody Needs a 303

Hardfloor Acperience1

Aphex Twin . . . 

Orbital Chime

Imagination . . .

808 State Pacific State

Orange Juice Rip It Up

First of all both the 808 State and Guy Called Gerald Tracks can be dealt with together as they are from the same heritage and Gerald Simpson himself was a member of 808 State at one time.

Pacific State has a great making of on Instagram of all places, thanks to 808 state trying to get it re released along with their old back catalogue from ZTT. FYI it's Graham Massey on sax on this, but really has no acid and for me I'd sub out Pacific State for Dr Lowfruit Newbuild, as that is proper acid.

Second Orange Juice Rip It Up and the unspecified tracks from Imagination can also be dealt with in one paragraph, they are both early users of the Roland 3o3, for bass sounds. Orange Juice doesn't do it for me whereas Imagination are the sort of disco sound a mate of mine listens to, and is very well done.

I would put the one UB40 track that treats the 303 with reverence here but I'll go with Ice T Squeeze the Trigger simply because what rap track these days would use both the 303 and TR909 drums for backing.

The third lumping of Hardfloor, aka Oliver Bondzio and Ramon Zenker and the first ever acid track by Phuture (culled down from an hour long tape session IIRC) Even if I would go for stuff like Hardfloor Insert Coin or Phuture Will Survive, They're classics and can't be touched.

The final accumulation is Winx Higher State and Fatboy Slim, whereas they're both good tracks I would definitely go for more of a modern house style like, Posthuman or Lauren Flax in place of Fatboy slim.

Higher state is an anthem though and has to stay.

Orbital I really can't think of anything with a 303 they did that can replace Chime for it being an out and out choon. 

Which leaves us with the unspecified Aphex Twin track. The text says the acid version of Windowlicker, which is all well and good but they overlook Cock Ver10. or Steppingfilter 101 from Analord 1 which make a much stronger case for inclusion. The former being typical Aphex chopped breaks and style, the latter being a real melodic acid track.

Honourable mentions go to, Recondite Tie In just for being lovely and Aaliyah Try Again which I've always corrupted to crash the plane.