Pipe to Pipe Bushmen on Channel 4.

Sorry you were supposed to get a much longer version of the Feed / Heal the world including a link to Medecins Sans Frontiers, but ran out of time.  The bottom line with this is, if you truly like Heal the World 30 just steal it from youtube (there are plenty of Youtube downloaders) and bung MSF a couple of quid or do what I do buy stuff from Oxfam shops. It doesn't hurt and it will do some good.

The Chimney Bottler Next Door.

This is a channel 4 documentary I saw in the week, about Paedophilia and issues surrounding it.  I've touched on this before, but this has to be said, isn't an easy watch, even more so if you have children yourself, (i'm a loner so I'm spared this).   It talked to those abused in childhood along with Keyop officials, who kept an eye out for nonces online and for the first time an actual padeo (more later).

First of  all it has to be said that, the victims themselves, a Geordie lady and a guy who had been to public school, had been seriously affected by their experiences.  Mainly a shared history of prostitution and drug issues and problems with relationships, the main message seemed to be this:  If you fuck a child you fuck up a child.

Although there was some hope, the lady was going to be a social worker working with abused children and teenagers, and the guy had found a wife and settled down.

There were a few other facts apart from the one above, 70% of abuse cases are carried out by family members, in the extended family or close friends.  The myth of the bush dodging paedo with hipster beard and thick glasses is just that, a myth.  The other assaults are carried out by people in authority such as teachers, youth leaders, scout masters anyone who it seems comes into day to day contact with kids and can buy there silence.   They had a few talking heads from retired vice officers, and a dutch psychologist but the most interesting was an interview with an English Psychologist, who did the unthinkable and talked to some paedos online.  Apparently no one did this before and its interesting to hear this.

There are apparently around 50000 - 250000 nonces in the UK, as obviously getting exact figures is going to be tough.  On top of that fact is that there are a few that do not offend and would be horrified if they did.  They talked to a guy called Eddie one of the non offending group, wracked with self loathing over who he was.  It was fascinating to hear him talk about his sickness, he fancied women as well, not just children and that the paedo witch hunts didn't work (you shift a problem on its still a problem, just somewhere else, and the non abusers were either "triggered" into abusing or suicide).

There was an awkward face to face interview with the posh bloke who was abused at school, and the hope of a cure or at least psychiatry to reduce the harm and effect a cure before someone starts.  My only gripe with this is that it assumes that all paedophiles are men, where as if its an issue of a broken sexual attraction then there should be female paedophiles as well.  Whatever it is, the programme finishes with this prophecy: if we do nothing to cure the underlying roots of paedophilia we will still be talking about doing something 20 years later when the next generation of offenders come along.

Bad Aids 40

Before I begin  I will point out that popular teletext weasel Mr Biffo has got a brand new Digitiser site up and running (well blog).  I'm quietly confident that Rapping Shoe will make an appearance as well as Mr T and his bins so if the following makes no sense to you click on Brown Trumpet on the sidebar where I've added the lynx maaan.

Band Aid.

Sodding Band Aid, one of the most predictable things at Christmas time is the trotting out of the same old songs. Whether its Slade or Wizzard or Paul McCartney singing about Golden Labradors come down from the sky (he doesn't of course its Wonderful Christmas time) certain songs have to be played in my eyes so that everyone knows its Christmas.   This track used to be about famine relief in Africa but now it isn't, I could point out all the inaccuracies that it holds (one, if nothing ever grows then why is there a big fuck off rainforest belt across the whole central half of Africa) but instead I'll fashionably whale on it because its bastard terrible.

This year its being released to coincide with Ebola relief, a good 9 months after the horrendous outbreak in West Africa and subsequent cases occurring in the western world.  Incidentally its not the first time this digital Ebola has broken out,  they had Dido on the 20th anniversary version and complete with a terrible rap too if memory serves correct.  Also they've changed the lyrics so it isn't thank god its them instead of us anymore.  Now its ten times more patronising.

So who is in this years line up: I'll summarise below if you're too lazy to click the link

1,2,4,6. Bastille. Fucking terrible electro house group, did that rework of Rhythm of the Night / Rhythm is a Dancer song that was all over Kiss FM.

3.  Bloke from Elbow.  Don't really care about Elbow but there you go.

5. Chris Martin from Coldplay.  I suppose it pays the bills now he's split from Gwynneth Paltrow, but I've never liked Coldplay, ever and am not going to start now.

7. Seal.  Fact fans my first record I can remember buying was Adamski Killer on which he did vocals. So  he's a legend.

8. Bob Fecking Geldof.  Who's beginning to resemble Jimmy Saville with his massive grey locks.

9. Karl Hyde From Underworld.  Why in all gods name are you here, you should be re releasing Dark and Long on Junior Boys Own not pissing about on a charity single.

10. Roger Taylor from Queen. Fair enough, Queen were ace shame that Freddie Mercury never made it on the original that would have rocked.

11,12,25. Various Youtube Vermin. They are supposedly big among "the yoot" but hardly household names or singers, nor have I ever seen Google promote them in the sidebar like Shane Fucking Dawson or Pewdiepie. Would have preferred MrSimon, McMangos and Ashens with his Engrish Violin, cos lets face it it could do with some livening up and at least I respect those guys.

14,15 Arse Bandit sorry Clean Bandit. More Electro House, here and another confession I really don't like Rather Be and its convoluted twiddly fiddle bits. You may know from that M+S Ad with the food in.

16-19 One Dimension. Because you really aren't getting enough Jailbait to buy your record as it is. Incidentally, Harry Styles face always looks like they've blow dried a King Charles Spaniel and its stuck.

20. Olly Murs. Heart favourite and Xfactor runner up.  Sad to say but I like Olly, his songs ain't bad at all.

21. Sinead O'Connor. An odd choice, but at least she can sing you may know her from Nothing Compares To U.

22. Ellie Goulding. Another good choice if only because her album Halcyon sounds like an old Orbital single.

23. Jessie Ware.  Not a fucking clue.

24. Ed Sheeran. He did Drunk which is boss and a lot of other stuff that isn't.

26. Angelique Kidjo. Because its all too white and middle class, we need some African stars in there, but mainly because Wombo Lombo (Junior Vasquez Mix) was the bomb.

27. Emeli Sande. Fucking hell although she has at least came out and monstered the song itself, but damn she is everything as is.

28.  Paloma Faith. Left wing Amy Winehouse clone.

29 and 30. Is Midge Ure from Ultravox and That's U2's Bono Vox.
Theres a few more but you get the drift.

Hyper Japan Again

Before I crack into the Winter Market version of  Hyper Japan there is a brief update to the 419 letter I got, apparently Havering Police are warning about a scam letter with nigh on identical wording from a different chinese guy.  As I said before its a scam, there is no inheritance and they will ask you for a substantial fee up front and all you'll get is Jack Shit in return.

Hyper Japan Christmas Market.

I reported on the summer version of this a few months back but this is less game orientated and much more to do with Japanese Culture overall, also its had a move from Earls Court to Olympia.  So you had guests by visual artists like Siro A and Jpop singers as well as all the geeks and fangirls cosplaying.  There were still a lot of food stands and places to grab a sake, including some traditional sweet stalls and a place selling iron teapots of all things.

Gaming this time was represented by Capcom which had a bank of flatscreen TV's playing Ultra Streetfighter 4 and Monster Hunter, as well as some ugly Minecraft style Ken and Ryu stands.

Ryu + Steroids not a pretty sight.

Square Enix didn't have any games at all just a shed load of merchandise set in display cases, you could grab a plush Cactuar and a Chocobo dressed as a white mage.  Or you could spunk your cash on an endless array of FF soundtrack CDs.  They also had stress balls too but they weren't actually that good.

I demand that this be an actual FF release

Upstairs they had a nice arcade area which housed some cool shit, including an American Snes with its horrible boxy outline and purple colour scheme playing Marioworld, or on the other side you had a Megadrive with Streets of Rage. There was no old guy hogging Ikaruga this time as there was no Ikaruga and the games were hogged by tiny kids in Karate Gis!. Persona 4 Ultimax Arena, the beat em up crossover with Arc System Works was on offer a shame that I never got to play on it.  Did however get to play on Final Fight which was cool and saw a mum with cat ears dancing with her young son on DDR.

There was a lot of merchandise for sale upstairs along with wall scrolls and swords were a shed load of toys from various manga and  games.  Was debating getting a Luigi Keyring for my cousin and me but decided to chance it with some Persona 4 the Animation blind bags.  Got the secret rare as well which is Margaret dressed as Marylin Monroe. Cue crap picture.

About life size here.

They also had the queen of British Anime Helen McCarthy which some of you may remember from the Anime Column in long defunct Snes Mag SuperPlay or from the big encyclopaedia of anime she did.  Sadly I didn't get a picture of her but she did look a lot like the chibi version but of course much older now.

Finally they had a lot of people cosplaying including many many gothic lolitas and Mario and Luigi sitting around which was nice. Don't know when the next one is on but will definitely be going.

NSFW Scan of The Week Returns.

Don't have a lot to say this week, here is a NSFW link to a sadly non downloadable vintage pron web archive. Found it while looking for various magazines detailed in the small ads of Cult Magazine an old 70's porn mag from Favcrest LTD (who were apparently South London based, there's a Charlton postcode on some of their addresses and an unknown SW postcode for the rest).  Seems everybody was trying to import red hot Scandinavian filth into the UK around that time, either mags or Super 8 films, whether you got any hardcore for your cash is debatable.  Most of those mags archived on that link were sold through various grey importers back then often at a massive price.

Advert for Private magazines circa mid 70's

My own copy of Cult was bought from a bootsale sans cover and with various graffiti on the photo sets, including a Alvin Stardust style quiff added to one of the male models.  The highlight of the whole mag is a whining letter from the letters page from a man looking for a massage at a massage parlour and being offered sex at every turn. If you can read it please do in a Daily Telegraph reader / Retired Major General voice, its most funny.

Bah a stiffly worded letter to my MP is in order.

Incidentally, I wonder when Private dropped their Welsh interest films (Private 41 clearly says Animal Orgy), my guess is in the late 70's, just like Color Climax did with along with their (skin crawls) kid fiddling flicks.  Both are much more professional companies nowadays and definitely don't have to resort to CP or Beast flicks anymore.

Namco Fun City VS god and that

Yesterday I took a trip up town as it was nice out, and it never fails to surprise me how much strange stuff I find out and about.  For the most of the day I was round by  the Namco Centre now called Namco Fun City but will probably change next time I'm up there. Decided to come out at Southwark and head down that way via The Cut and see what we could find.  First of all there was a shop that sold nothing but sheet music so if you have a piano or guitar (other instruments available) and have a hankering for any music in sheet form then this will be your first port of call, its near Waterloo station if you are interested.  I finally found my way down to the river (its by the London Aquarium near County Hall) and I came across a plaque dedicated to those who lost their lives through VCJD (you may know it as BSE) on the wall opposite Big Ben.

Finally made my way into Namco Fun City or whatever it is now and had a go on a few cabs.  They still have the Temple Run infinite runner cab set up to dispense tickets (nearly everything dispenses tickets) and somehow its gained a Flappy Bird cab as well which to my knowledge is the only hardware left that its not been ported to (there are a ton of 8bit / 16bit ports including Colecovision and possibly Sharp X1).

The only other thing was playing a few games on the slot and understanding how a person could get addicted to them.  I got 2 7s due to activating a feature and was 1 nudge short and for the rest of the day was convinced it was all my fault and if I had one more coin I COULD get the bonus.  Luckily I was only £2 down but damn that was scary.

Walking around Soho some guy stopped me with a random don't kill him and points to the pavement.  There is a tiny rat hopping along, tail outstretched and acting for all the while like a little clockwork toy.  I know vermin aren't cute but damn it was endearing to see it hop about and its just like a cat toy.  Also managed to find a place that sells Jones Soda one of the best Cola's around, they had a panda pops style blue Bubblegum flavour but in a glass bottle and totally ace it was.  You don't see them much but their straight cola is definitely worth it too.