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Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Merry Boxing Day

This is what you've been waiting for our irrelevant review of the year show, a round up of the best and the rubbish and the not so good.

First of all current affairs Barrat Ojama won the U.S Presidency beating Mitch Romhack into second place.  A few spree killings in Conneticut and Colorado (don't know their motives and I don't care).  Jimmy Saville was found to be Englands worst posthumous Nonce, (fixed it for him) and there was masses of Fucking sport in Stratford some involving spastics (Olympics they were called).  Oh and the Jubilee.

Music wise this was cool for me in 2012.

Neatest Disco from a modern band.

Elitechnique Rooftops.

A neat little italo disco stomp on Clone, there is a video showing you how they made it on Youtube. Which is nice.

Best oasis in a wasteland of shite goes to.

Ed Sheeran Drunk Lazy Js Wasted in London Mix,  Fun. We are young Kiss FM version.

In the endless stream of shit put out by Kiss these are the only two bastions of good dance that isn't tainted by rap or R +B. I've never encountered these versions anywhere else either they are both sped up house tracks that'll probably turn out to be by David Guetta or someone other underachiever.  Edit its the Lazy Js Wasted in London mix of Ed Sheeran but the Fun. remix still eludes us.

Best old school house tracks goes to.

Paranoid London Feat Paris Briteledge Paris in Dub.

Massive jacking acid track, in an increasingly crowded market of good quality house.  Paris of course made the seminal Learn to Love for DJ International back in the 80s so you know you're getting the real deal here.

Best honourable mention goes to Orgue Electronique Our house, simply because it has Robert Owens.

Best Bond movie theme from an Alison Moyet look alike.

Adele Skyrim Skyfall.

To me this sounds like a mix of diamonds are forever and Martin So Cool from Skint Records offshoot Under 5s. Its not bad but still ubiquitous on Heart FM.

Best track by an Overattached Girlfriend.

Laina Walker Call Me Maybe.

We tend to sing these lyrics instead of Carly Raes so this is some stalkerish nightmare.

Best Electro.

Xosar Rainy Day Juno Jam.

We're rating this not just because she's hot, but because this is a monster of a track. A lovely laid back groove and much better than Ghosthaus which we were indifferent to.  You'll want to check out Xamiga which is a collab with Legowelt.

Best Techno.

D'Marc Cantu A New World.

Sounding more and more like Mike Dearborn this is some heavy dark analogue house and techno here, giving you no let up and was my album of the year.

Best Acapella.
Swedish Chef Massacre Don't you Worry Child.

We don't know nor care that we spelt this correctly, just know this rejig this is whatever audio editor you have and play it with Elitechniques Rooftop for that authentic overblown Italo disco cult classic. I think its the heavilly accented English that makes this.

With all these bests of there has to be some worsts and the following has annoyed the fuck out of me for the past year.

Nicki Minaj Super Bass (though anything with her in it.)
MANAMANAMANAMANAMANAMANA AMAHELAVAGAH. This is how she sounds, all the fucking time.

Stooshe Black Cock Heart.
Fucking absymal track that is like those old KFC soul ads but miles more shit.  Honey i'm waiting for yer monster. Its big and its black, it fits up my crack, he gotta black cock. Well those are the words I sing with it.

Flo Rida. Whistle.

You just put your lips together and you can fuck right off.

Maroon 5 Payphone.

Also unescapable, and the second time Maroon 5 made our cunt list in as many years.  Along with a rap by Wiz Khalifa which is largely bollocks, this edges out stooshe for our worst of the year.  We will alter the lyrics here.  I'm in a gay bar, jacking off sailors, licking up all of the semen they shed.

We'll be back in the new year for all the other stuff and Miranda Awards for Televisual bollocks as well.

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