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Saturday, 14 April 2018

Emperors Birthday

No post tomorrow as I have stuff to do.  Looking to put in this years seed as usual and check through what can be culled from the greenhouse as usual.

EDIT. We've replaced our blog title image for a new one not drawn in MS Paint.  Its Marm from Cole and Marmalade if you're wondering, where this ginger guy is from. I know its a cheeky thing to do, to put it up without asking but I have been a fan of his for a long time and when this popped up on my news feed this was the perfect image for the blog.

Sunday, 8 April 2018

Radio X Top 100.

Well that wish post seems to have gone down well, and as a side effect has cleared the air in my head.  Also gives some venting to stuff that would just build and build. Anyhow on with the show.

Radio X (possibly the best new wave band that never was ED.) which I'm told is what XFM is called now, have brought out a top one hundred of the best of British Music (Partial List here) with what can only be described as a lack of diversity.  Seriously, there's 15 Oasis tracks alone in there which is 15 too many for my liking and apart from Blue Monday no synth stuff at all.
Here through no fault of my own is my partial top 100 list.

1. APHEX TWIN Flim.
2. 808 STATE. Pacific State.
3. ORBITAL Halcyon and On.
4. KATY B On a Mission.
5. F.S.O.L. Papua New Guinea.
6. RISING HIGH COLLECTIVE Fever Called Love.
7. A GUY CALLED GERALD Automanikk.
8. CEEPHAX ACID KREW Emotinium
9. SOFT CELL A Man Could Get Lost.
10. HUMAN LEAGUE Do or Dub.
11. DEPECHE MODE People Are People.
12. MAD PROFESSOR Fast Forward In Dub.
13. THE POLICE Walking On The Moon
14. BRONSKI BEAT Small Town Boy.
15. SOFT CELL Tainted Love.
16. FATBOY SLIM Praise You.
17. MASSIVE ATTACK Unfinished Sympathy.
18. APHEX TWIN Heliospan.
19. HUMANOID Stakker.
20. HUMANOID Tonight.
21. MC DUKE I'm Riffin.
22. HUMAN LEAGUE Being Boiled.
23. DELIA DERBYSHIRE / RON GRAINER Doctor Who Theme.
24. MIKE ASH A is For Acid.
25. SURGEON Krautrock.
26. WHITE NOISE Love Without Sound.
27. PET SHOP BOYS Your Funny Uncle.
28. EURYTHMICS. Sweet Dreams.
29. SHUT UP AND DANCE. Lamborghini.
30. MR SCRUFF Ug.
31 COLDCUT. My Telephone.
32. YAZZ Fine Time.
33. YAZOO Goodbye 70's.
34. MASSIVE ATTACK Teardrop.
35. BURIAL In McDonalds.
36. THE ROLLING STONES. Paint It Black.
37.  DJ XTC Functions On The Low.
38. ELLIE GOULDING Lights.
39.  THE SHAMEN Possible Worlds.
40. SQUAREPUSHER. I Wish You Could Talk.
41. ACE OF CLUBS Cordial.
42. CAUSTIC WINDOW On the Romance Tip.
43. CHEMICAL BROTHERS Electronic Battle Weapon.
44. AUTECHRE Rsdio.
45. NEW AGE STEPPERS Some Loving
46. BANANARAMA Cruel Summer.
47. LISA STANSFIELD People Hold On.
48. THE BEATLES Day In The Life. (Big beat but in the 1960's)
49. MADNESS House Of Fun
50. UZIQ Crosstown Traffic.

Hell lets do the final 50, though its getting harder to pick genuine great tracks.

51. KLF What Time is Love.
52. LITTLE BOOTS Click
53. RADIOHEAD Idioteque
54. CLIFF RICHARD AND THE YOUNG ONES Living Doll (the only charity single worth a damn)
55. THE SPECIALS Ghost Town.
56. UB40 One In Ten.
57. FREDDIE MERCURY Love Kills
58. BABY FORD Disconoddy. 
59. THE BOO RADLEYS Wake Up Boo.
60. THE PRODIGY Charly
61. ALTERN8 Domin8.
62. THE RAH BAND Clouds Across The Moon
63. SLADE Merry Xmas Everyone. (Iconic the start of xmas for me)
64. COLDCUT. Find A Way.
65. YAZOO. Situation
66. THE ORB Star 5,6,7,8
67. PENGUIN CAFE ORCHESTRA Scherzo and Trio
68. GOLDIE Inner City Life.
69. GRAPHITE Pure.
70. PAUL MCCARTNEY Check My Machine
71. FATBOY SLIM Everybody Needs A 303.
72. NICOLETTE No Government.
73. THE SHAMEN Ebeneezer Goode.
74. OASIS Falling Down (the whole 23 minute Amorphous Androgynous remix of course)
75. WHITEHOUSE Why You Never Became A Dancer.
76. MIKE OLDFIELD Tubular Bells (my dad loves this)
77. THE ORB Blue Room
78. THROBBING GRISTLE Hot on The Heels Of Love.
79. NEW ORDER Confusion
80. V/VM Angels
81. APHEX TWIN Milkman.
82. APHEX  TWIN 28 Organ.
83. ORBITAL Chime
84. PET SHOP BOYS In The Club Or In The Queue
85. IAN DRURY AND THE BLOCKHEADS Reasons To Be Cheerful PT3
86. DAVE CLARKE Wisdom To The Wise
87. JOHNATHAN DUNN Robocop Theme
88. LFO LFO
89. KATE BUSH Running Up That Hill
90. CABARET VOLTAIRE Nag Nag Nag
91. NITZER EBB Join In The Chant.
92. ORBITAL Belfast
93. KIM WILDE Kids In America
94, BLUR Parklife
95. OPUS III Its a Fine Day
96. PRODIGY Voodoo People
97. SHAKESPEARS SISTER Dirty Mind
98. CHRIS AND COSEY Driving Blind
99. DEPECHE MODE Policy Of Truth
100, ELO Mr Blue Sky

Edits galore here just so you know. Edited out some lazy choices and put in some overlooked things.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

My WIsh.

Been thinking a lot about what happened a year ago when some cunt cold called me saying he was police then proceeded to scam me out of thousands.  I will NOT forgive him though and rather than wish him and his accomplices would be tortured to death slowly, have come up with a compromise.

I would like to have 3 wishes, say for convenience that I've come across a magic lamp with a genie in through some nefarious means.  Thrown out at work would be my best bet, and through cleaning we have a genie appear and say I now have 3 wishes.

My first wish is to know exactly how many people took part in defrauding me, the fake cop,  the courier, the woman on the phone, and any other people that are part of the gang, and their exact location now.

My second wish is for the spells teleport and polymorph any object from the D+D players handbook to be cast with no saves and all modifiers applied in full. Any transformation lasts 8000 divided by 12 months ( a total of 666.666 years recurring)  unless I wish them to assume another form (still no save, form my discretion). The idea is to morph the person into a ring binder comprising there entire life, (preface is a litany of their crimes against me, the rest being the sum of their life experience in searchable form, and teleport them to my house to be read at leisure.


I 'd like to read through any knowledge contained in those binders, copy, scan and shuffle each life story into one pile discarding at random from each book, life skills and memories.  Severity of data loss is equal to your involvement, so fake cop you're going to have your life shuffled and most of it either shredded and burnt and  recombined with that blank pages, I'd say total corruption would be about 90%.  I'd like all life skills to be in an easy to read pictorial format, same goes for all your life moments.  Unlike you I don't want bank details, only what your life held.

Finally my third wish.  When I've finished reading through your life, and judged you on your actions, I want to change your form again, I'd like a Real Doll to be made from the fake bank bitch (final form negotiable), a pile of cash equal to be made out of the courier guy and for fake cop to be morphed back into a human with the instruction to go home by the most direct route imaginable and live out what I've left of your life.  If there are anymore players then I want them to remain as binders to contain all that I've removed from everyone,  their own lives included.
Happy Easter.
 

Saturday, 31 March 2018

Month Of Mario Closes

This is the final post on the month of Mario and we'll be looking at Pinball and Arcade games today.

First up the rules. A small pack of small games for a small price. No DLC, sprites only and emulation only when its really obscure, and as its the final post these rules are now codified.

Think of Pinball on the various Nintendo platforms and you'd be thinking of either Pokemon Pinball, Metroid's DS outing or the really old game for the NES, but that's not all there is.

Kirby's Pinball Land.

Must have played the GB original of this a dozen times, its Kirby as a ball being spun around an arena based on Wispy Woods, and some other places I can't remember.  I always wanted an updated version of this for current hardware, flinging the overpowered pink guy around some new areas and even have the platform ball saver to rescue you when you fell through the flippers.

Super Mario Ball.

Is the name of the disappointing pinball game for GBA, can remember it reviewing badly in Edge Magazine back in the day.  Would rather they had Super Mario Bros Mushroom World from Gottlieb instead.  Better still, instead of licensing pinball arcade from Stern, they should create their own Mario Pinball cab instead.

Link crossbow shooting Gallery.

Remember that bit in Link to the Past where you have the chance to earn rupees by shooting octoroks and not hands.  I would love a fleshed out version of this with risks and rewards. 

Nintendo Badge Arcade.

Can remember this was run by some skanky Duracell rabbit knock off.  You had to use real cash to gain anything in this, he was a corrupt cold hearted bastard along the lines of Tom Nook.  Lets have a proper non scammy version with proper crane toy mechanics.  Maybe with credits gained from playing the other games on the list.  Just a thought.

Pokemon Pinball.

Our final cab and as its seems to be based on red or blue.  Lets have a new version based on Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.  I'm sure the new Mega Evolutions and such will be an excellent mechanic for this as well as the new Pokemon and areas too.

Skykid

A remake / emulation of this would be fine, as some sort of arcade cab you can play.

Arm Wrestling.

Never actually seen this in the wild can remember Punch Out where your  entire body was a wire frame when we went to Bemboms in Margate.  Would love to see this recreated here either as emulation or as a stand alone game.

Pit Boss.

For some reason I'd love to see the guy you buy tokens from, as Pit from Kid Icarus.  Either that or Metroid in full armour. Hope you enjoyed this month of Mario.

Friday, 30 March 2018

Month of Mario 5 The Free One.

This is perhaps the one that will never get fulfilled and such, being that it goes back to the 1970's, aka the earliest Nintendo vidya stuff ever made.  We saw on twitter a tweet dedicated to all things Disk Kun. the little mascot from Nintendo's Japan only disk system add on, which thinking about this, is possibly what this series should be thought of.  i.e.

A small pack of small games for a small price. No DLC, sprites only and emulation only when its really obscure, and yep we do amend the rules over time.

What I'm talking about is the various pong consoles that Nintendo produced in the late 70's wrapped up in one handy resource.

Though this and a remake / demake of Wii fit with Princess Peach, Samus Aran and Rosalia could have easily been in my last post about sports games based on early NES and Gameboy titles.  They are actually more like variations on Pong, like the old Binatone consoles back in the day.  The last ones are actually a break out variant and two player Othello game that was essentially an arcade board stuffed into a home console.  Oh and one is a car racing game with a really big steering wheel.

I  would love to see the pong games  as one entry, with extensive liner notes on what they cost, making of's and promo artwork. All "sports variants" colour and black and white modes and even cellophane overlays as a nod to old arcade games like Space Invaders.

Split racing 112 into its own part with classic and updated graphics (yes it can be the bike from Mach Rider if you so wish) and modes as well. You can add promo stuff and liner notes here too.

The Block Kuzushii can be its own entry too with an emulated version of Monkey Magic thrown in for good measure too.

Othello has to be its own entry too and have both emulated and remade modes too.

I'd like a small card game such as solitaire or Hanafuda with Murasamejo or Shin Onigashima designs as a tribute to their card making past.

A rework of Gyromite that uses two analogue sticks to simulate R.O.B. spinning the gyroscope and some extended level designs.

Finally have the love tester and ultra hand as bonus toys.  I'd love to see some sort of Ultra Hand grabbing game where you pick up stuff and grab items.




Sunday, 25 March 2018

Month of Mario pt 4 sports.

The fourth part of our mammoth month of Mario is dedicated to sports games which Nintendo have revisited time and again. Whether it be Wii sports, the original baseball for NES or Mario VS Sonic at the Olympics it seems that Nintendo and sports have gone hand in hand for ages.  Incidentally this is the germ that sparked off my initial idea, seeing Donkey Kong Ongaku no Asobi scans on line via twitter and seeing that there was an unreleased bowling game for the Famicom as well.

But first the rules.

1. Graphics should be sprites, either inspired by the NES or SNES or in a more modern style like on the  GBA, definitely no Mii avatars or polygons.

2. No lazy virtual console emulation or ROMS. Unless they are of sufficient obscurity to warrant emulation.  Think Virtual Boy or Satellaview.

3. Do not charge full price and do not have in app purchases, these are budget games using obscure or unloved titles and should be priced as such.


Rules done lets begin.  The sports pack should have the most entries and really should reprise most of the earlier entries for the NES, SNES and Gameboy.  Possibly a 2D remake of Wii sports would be nice but I consider that lazy.  Here is my "Wii sports" collection.



Baseball.
The first game on our list of things is baseball.  Based on the super limited early NES release of the game or its Satellaview Kirby reskin. This basic Baseball is the version I'd like to see released on here.


Bowling.
Bowling is normally problematic, its too dull and limited to make its way into a full priced game, Wii sports was a pack in so that wasn't a problem with it. As part of a compilation again lets have it be a competent remake of what that unreleased NES game would be.

Boxing.
 Another Wii Sports favourite, this along with Punch Out is some of the best versions of the sport available.  Its still limited mind and Nintendo would just port Punch Out instead (minus Iron Mike Tyson).  Incidentally Hamster corp have released the arcade version for their emulation range.

Football.

This should be a remake of the NES game Soccer and not hand egg. This was one of the best football games for the NES which was plagued by terrible soccer games.  Above all this should be competent and with a few different cups to play for.  Would like to see them replace the national teams for some old unloved characters here, lets say add Toad from the Mario games and be done with it.


Golf.

Should you go for an updated version of the original NES Golf but with 18 holes based on the Mario Golf series and  none of the characters. Or go for a crazy golf mode like that Kirby game on the SNES mini.

Snooker Mario.
I am biased in adding this in, I've wanted this for so long after seeing an old TV ad on MTV for Mario Allstars with Mario in a Tux and thinking he looks like he's off to play snooker.  Or rather pool, if we are being universal here, with pipes for pockets and Bowser hustlin'.  Make it so

Tennis.
I don't know which version you would want here but I would love to see a revised Super Tennis complete with swearing and fudged names just for this entry.

Volleyball.
The last entry is the most meh of all.  This didn't make it out of Japan and can be thought of just to make the number up.  But yeah I would like to see a Mario reskin of this too if we can have Delfino Beach as location.

I know I missed a few things out for time and that (possibly a basketball entry and Ice Hockey too which would be nice) or over looked a few things cough Arm wrestling cough.  But this should be enough to get you going in the mean time.

 


 

Sunday, 18 March 2018

Month Of Mario Pt3 Multi Player Madness.

Been out and about today as its been snowing and in Game, they have the VS Mario Bros up as DLC on Switch for £6.99.  I'm guessing its part of Hamsters arcade game port if you will as Nintendo have done nothing with their old Arcade IP in yonks.

On with the show and a quick refresher of the rules, they are.

1. Graphics should be sprites, either inspired by the NES or SNES or in a more modern style like on the  GBA, definitely no Mii avatars or polygons.

2. No lazy virtual console emulation or ROMS. Unless they are of sufficient obscurity to warrant emulation.  Think Virtual Boy or Satellaview.

3. Do not charge full price and do not have in app purchases, these are budget games using obscure or unloved titles and should be priced as such.


This week we look at multi player madness with a selection of 3 old games in our Switch compilation.



Balloon Fight.

Nintendo have revisited this over the years most recently with the hideous man child Tingle (incidentally this is sort of what I want from a remake) for their thinly disguised reskin of Joust by Atari.   What I would like to see is a new adventure mode with unlockables and a fully fledged out multiplayer mode.  We are talking 4 player madness here with power ups and a reliance on arena play mode.  Think Bomberman on the SNES, that level of enjoyment but on Switch (in docked mode) with local co op to play over two consoles sharing 1 game.  Make it so gentlemen.

Legend Of Zelda Four Swords.

This has of course been done before but instead of the Link to the past world of Hyrule lets have the world of Link's Awakening, Koholint Island instead.  Have Marin, Tarin, Link and Richard make up your foursome and go exploring. Failing that give us a version based on The Bell Rings For Frogs
cancelled proto. The Legend of Richard: Four Swords does have a nice ring to it.

Clu Clu Land.

My final choice is controversial in that its not really considered a multiplayer game.  Its a game where you have to uncover the gold in a maze that's been hidden by a sea urchin.  Weirdly enough I didn't know that the main character was female until I saw it on Wikipedia.  Clu Clu land should be kuru kuru land based on the Japanese term that means to turn or spin around (its the main means of uncovering the gold) and would make a good multiplayer game with everyone pitching in to clear a puzzle or just destroy a set amount of "urches" with your sonic beams.

Better still would be a 2vs2 mode that pitches a team of fish uncovering a puzzle against another team against the clock.

See you next week.